dating jokes

Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."

I'm dating an older woman. When i go down you know what it tastes like? Depends...

My girlfriend just emailed me a photo of us on our first date together. It's a very treasured memory for me. Problem is, the file wont open on my computer. I guess I have emotional attachment issues.

George refuses to date a woman when he sees her on 2 different dating apps. G:"It's too desperate." J:"How'd you find out?" G:"I'm on both."

[first date] "Tell me two interesting things about yourself" well I lie when I'm nervous... "ok..." and I invented oatmeal

Why did the relationship between the creationist and Organic molecule not last ? Because the creationist did not believe in carbon dating.

Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church..... They all look at you with disgust, but deep down, you know they want some, too.

Two things I learned from online dating geography and disappointment

[speed dating] Anyway, do you have a baby hedgehog? "No." *I take a deep breath and roll my eyes* [timer beeps]

My wife's hot best friend just sent me an email with the subject line: "Date Night." I'm just going to stop there and imagine the rest.

71-yr-old Jimmy Page is dating a 25-yr-old. The age difference may seem huge now, but it won't be as big a deal when she's 28 and he's dead.

Time for a limerick... On the first date with her new man, Keith Young Pamela let out a queef. He tried to ignore That she's surely a whore But at least her bjs had no teeth!

I finally got Tinder ... and after a few matches, I was able to start a campfire

Date: So... Tinder, huh? Me: Yup. Date: ... Me: This is kind of awkward. Date: Maybe we should've used real pictures. Me: You think so, MOM?

[first date] HER: I'm really into guys with ambitions ME: *trying to impress her* that's perfect, I have two frogs

I've been dating this lady who is gluten free... Problem is, we go to a deli, she asks, "do you want to split a sandwich." I say, "sure" and then I'm just left with the bread.

I was dating this girl until I found out she stuffed her bra with tissue paper. Then I was hooked because serious allergy issues.

Since I started dating my girlfriend half a year ago I became a millionaire 6 months ago I was a billionaire.

What was the name of the Indian dating site? Connect the dots

findafamilymember.com Now the #1 Dating Site in Texas!

[first date] *pointing indiscriminately* "uh-oh looks like we're on the Kiss Cam" there's no- *leans in* there's no Kiss Cam at Applebees

"I'm a great listener." - The US government on a first date.

How do you know if a girl is dating a vampire? They only wanna go down on her once a month

A fun thing to do when you're done dating someone is just disappear completely and pretend you've lost your phone and died