When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!
edgy jokes
21,996 total · showing the first 120 · page 1 of 5
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"
They kill people.
Man: “What? But I’m not dead yet!”
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
Why did the French chef kill himself Because he lost the huile d'olive.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you're nuts.
Paranoid? I don't even know what that word means. I don't have time to learn new words, people are trying to kill me.
I accidentally sent a photo of my penis to everyone in my address book. Not only was it really embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.
Fast and Furious [NSFW] I asked my girlfriend to give me road head and we got into an accident. I guess next time I should be the one driving.
What's the difference between jam and marmalade.... You can't marmalade your cock, up a girls' ass!
What do you call a sex toy bought at IKEA? A "One Night Stand"
I just paid $25 for a hot 20 year old chick to rub her boobs all over me I love having my hair cut.
You know what i hate the most about Sex Ed? that he's been convicted of several cases of sexual assault
World Health Org says that Roundup weedkiller "probably" causes cancer... Monsanto needs to make a Roundup Ready human.
My girlfriend's vagina is like a Tesco shopping trolley It takes a pound in.
What receives a man's first blowjob? An NES cartridge.
A priest and a rabbi... A priest and a rabbi see a young boy. Priest: "Let's fuck him." Rabbi: "Out of what?"
I recently heard Lorena Bobbitt died in a car accident ... Some dick cut her off
every morning i swallow a piece of paper that says "keep up the good work fellas!!" just in case i die and doctors gotta do an autopsy on me