MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
one liner jokes
81,636 total · showing the first 120 · page 1 of 5
Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language
Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
Dad: “Call me George.”
What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”
Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!
What has two butts and kills people? An assassin
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? AYE MATEY
What's the best part about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: "They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.
5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
Why couldn't the bike standup by itself? It was two tired.
What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Wife: “I want another baby.”
Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one.”