work jokes

[interviewer looks up from resume] in the skills, you wrote "completing sentences? Yes." wow. you "'re hired?" amaz- "on prime?" get out.

Wearing crocs is like getting a blow job from a dude It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay

What's the difference between your wife and your job? Your job sucks

I was fired from my job as a mortician after I was caught having sex on the job I guess it was the final nail in the coffin.

Knock knock Who's there? Dave. Oh hi Dave, what's new? *The Boss Faints*

We all have that one singing coworker that makes you want to test your throat grip.

I was offered a job building Egyptian tombs Turned out to be a pyramid scheme

My boss has stopped letting me leave early for my son's Little League games ever since he learned he's in his second year of college.

We're throwing a surprise retirement party for a guy at the office and the "party" isn't the surprise.

I got fired from my job at the sperm bank I said "Get a load of this guy," every time someone walked in.

The past, the present and the future had a meeting. It was tense in there.

If I work as a janitor at an office, does that mean that every time I change a lightbulb I climb the corporate ladder?

What do you call an unemployed Rastafarian? Jah Bless

50 shades of grey broke a lot of box office records for R-rated movies... Well first it tied them, then it beat them.

Joke I told my one-eyed coworker today: Me: What do you call a terrorist who's missing an eye? Him: I give up Me: A terrorst

When I hear "This call is being monitored for quality assurance" I think "Cool, let's see how bad this person wants their job."

As a bootleg vet, I get asked to turn cats into dogs it's a ruff job.

I was at a femminist meeting last week... they asked me "How do you see lesbian relationships?" I said in HD. They didn't like it...

A fellow worker just sent an all office memo: "Has anyone seen my screwdriver? I really need my screwdriver!" I wrote back: "Meet me at the tool bar. I'll buy you a double."

"You know how I realized I had such a great butt?" Because every time I would walk away after meeting a group of ladies I could hear them say, " what an ass"

I'm not saying she's a slut but she did get fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job.

I used to be a banker... But I lost interest in the job

What does a Greek say when he receives his salary? Danke schon.

Job interview tip: Tell them you're not an applicant, you're an appliCAN. Lick your finger, hold it against buttock. Make sizzling noise.