The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
animals jokes
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I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know
Timmy comes to school late. When the teacher asks why, he tells her, “I had to take a cow down from the barn and get her bred”. Then the teacher asks, “Couldn’t your father do it?” Timmy replies, “Sure, but not as good as the bull”.
WAITER: Would you like the usual, Mr Smith? MR SMITH: *all smugly* Do birds fly? *Penguin at the next table slams down his menu*
What did the farmer say when he tried to milk the cow, but nothing came out? "Time to try the udder one."
I heard a rude joke about Grizzlies the other day... ...but it doesn't bear repeating.
What do you call a semiaquatic, furry little animal than never amounted to anything in it's life? An *otter* failure (I'll see myself out)
Sexy is being tickled with a feather... Kinky is being tickled with a chicken
Why did the Chicken cross the Basketball Court? Because he heard the Ref was Blowing Fowls.
What do you call a python with a great bedside manner? A snake charmer.
Was Snoop Dogg being serious when he changed his name? Or was Snoop Lion ?
I just saw a video of a snake that learned to open doors. I probably don't need to sleep anymore anyway.
Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he had his dick stuck in a chicken
Do you like jokes that make you think a little? If you had an one-legged horse, what would you name it? Flattery.
How do you know which bear to talk to in a bar? You have to read ursine.
Why did the shark cross the Great Barrier Reef? ...To get to the other tide! Shark Week Hoo Ha Ha!
Trump's Secret Service is going to have a problem If someone shoots at him, they will yell "Donald Duck, Donald Duck"
If your Uncle Jack helped you off the horse... Would you help your Uncle Jack off the horse?
"Let's go with a clown, a penguin, and a guy that tells riddles." - The guy who came up with batman's villains.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? (2-part joke) *A no-eye-deer!* What do you call a kitten with no eyes? *Animal abuse.*
Who came first, the chicken or the egg? They came together, it was a perfect lay.
Man walks into a zoo. There was only one animal. It was a dog. It's a shitzu.
Why is Hitler's Favorite Animal the Cheetah? Because they are the Facist animals within existence.
Why does a cow have hooves but not feet? Cause they lactose.