barber jokes

I always wanted to be a barber But I just couldn't cut it.

[getting a haircut] BARBER: anything else? ME: cut me BARBER: what? no ME: like sweeney todd BARBER: i'm no- ME:make me into a pie

I told the barber, "a little off the top." So he gave me a circumcision.

Very few people can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut nowadays. Then again, very few people cut their own hair.

I decided to switch to a new barber My current barber just isn't cutting it.

Why does a barber never shave a man with a wooden leg? Because he always uses a razor.

My neighbourhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs. I've been a customer for 6 years. I never knew he was a barber.

What do you call a German Barber? Herr Cut.

My barber asked me to stop singing Wonderwall I said maybe You're gonna be the one that shaves me (shaves me)

I tried being a barber for a while but I just couldn't cut it. Bonus joke: Had to buy a stepladder the other day, I never knew my real ladder.

James Bond went to get a haircut. The barber asked him if he wanted to dye his hair as well. Bond replied "Dye another day."

Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.

What did the customer say to the barber after looking at a facial hair catalog? I moustache you a question about this style shown here, good sir.

A barber applied for a scholarship at the barber's academy He didn't make the cut

I wouldn't say I was going bald, but.... When I asked my barber to cut my hair, he replied, "which one?"

What hairstyle does Christopher Nolan get at the barber? A director's cut

A koala walks into a barber shop and hops up into the chair. He points to the excess fur that has grown around his ears and asks the barber, "Can eucalyptus?"

I just ran into my barber on the street. He asked me how I liked the haircut he gave me last week. I told him it's growing on me.

barber 1: ugh this guy again, youre doing him this time [20mins later] barber 2: you coulda told me he turns around to answer every question

Knock Knock Who's there ! Barber ! Barber who ? Barberd wire !

Customer: Why doesn't my hairline look good? Barber: It's on the same old head.

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.

My barber is a specialist in road map shaves. How come? When he's finished your face is full of short cuts.

Barber pointed out my new gray hairs and said I looked refined. I hope someone tells him the key marks on his car looks like racing stripes.