taxi driver jokes

Uber driver told me he's an actor & has been nailing all of his auditions & is up for a big role I was like cool you're going the wrong way

What's worse than being a tanning salon owner in Africa? Being a Somali Uber driver in Columbus, Ohio.

Question: What did the Cabbage say to the cab driver when he passed his stop? Answer: "STOP THE CAB-BAGE" Ps - The joke is to say it out loud and figure out what you are actually saying.

Sadly, I had to quit my job as a taxi driver... I just couldn't stand everyone talking behind my back.

I quit my job as a taxi driver... I just can't stand people talking behind my back.

Every cab driver I've ever had seems like he killed thousands of people in his homeland.

uber driver said he used to work at disney world and did acid all the time

Him: Are you on your way? Me: Yes, this cab driver sucks! *changes outfit for the 6th time, gulps wine and requests an uber*

I was in a cab today and the cab driver said, "I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..." Then I said, "Turn left."

I was going to pay the taxi driver with my leftovers from lunch but that wouldn't be fare to him

"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers" -New York's most hated cab driver Courtesy of @lordbeef on Twitter

I love these hot summer nights when you can open all the windows and fall asleep naked. I'm not sure my taxi driver appreciates it though.

I used to be a taxi driver. Do you know why I gave it up? I didn't like people talking behind my back!

Oh thank goodness, my Uber driver knows what's really wrong with this country.

What do a cab driver and a cue ball have in common? The harder you hit them ...the more english you get out.

Did you hear about the Indian who drank too much tea? He drowned in his teepee. -My Uber Driver

This Uber driver is the worst. I can't roll down the windows, he keeps asking questions, the doors won't open, and now his siren is blaring.

I was in a cab today and the cab driver said... "I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do." Then I said, "Turn left."

[Jumps into taxi] "FOLLOW..." [taxi driver turns around excitedly] "...ME ON TWITTER" [Jumps out & moonwalks into Olive garden]

What's the difference between cab drivers and F1 drivers? F1 driver doesn't think he's a cab driver

Me: How do you like being an Uber driver. Driver: I don't work for Uber. Me: So, I just willingly climbed into a windowless van, didn't I?

This cab driver has zero clue that ive played crazy taxi extensively and am critiquing his every move

I can see my Uber driver's car is almost out of gas and it's really stressing me out.

Uber driver: "I'm close, where are you?" Me: "oh I see you" Uber Driver: "Are you the guy in the middle of the road?" Me: "yeah floor it"