environment jokes

A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing nothing but plastic wrap. The psychiatrist takes one look at him and says, “I can see you’re nuts”.

Hey, did you hear that Carbon and Oxygen broke up? Yeah, it turns out their relationship was actually pretty toxic. Personally, I never saw it.

Would you like something from my Easter basket? "Sure!" "Here. Have some plastic grass."

I caught my SO putting plastic utensils in the waffle iron. I yelled,"What are you doing?! That will ruin it!" She replies,"Yesterday you told me to lego your eggos. Make up your mind already!"

A baby that is starting to wake up from a nap is like a solar eclipse. Whatever you do, do not look directly at it.

So a white man walks into a plastic surgeon's office... [FIXED] He tells the plastic surgeon, "I want to become a black man."

After Michael jackson died.. They melted all the plastic from his face. They took the plastic and made toys. So the kids can play with him for a change.

Why did the climate scientist cross the road? To analyze the chicken s carbon footprint.

I like my women how I like my cheese... ...blue, filled with holes, and wrapped in plastic in my fridge.

window shopping why do the wealthy put their garbage in clear plastic bags? so the rest of us can go window shopping

Pluto should totally move on and find a solar system that's going to treat it with the respect it deserves.

I tried publishing my novel... in which I stress the danger of global warming by describing my experience battling encroaching fire ant colonies. Every publisher called it ant-I-climatic.

The next batch of women who get plastic surgery Will have a stamp on their paperwork that shows they made with 33% recycled Joan Rivers.

Did you hear about the guy who landed in the hospital after shoving 8 plastic toy horses in his butt? His condition is stable.

What do you get when cross-eyed and looking at a solar eclipse? A solar ellipses...

Why did the solar wind start having hot flashes? It was experiencing magnetopause.

Now that the snow/Ice storm on the east coast is over The Center for Global Warming Research will re-open today at 9:00am

I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick

My closet should be on Hoarders. Fell in looking for second shoe. 45 minutes later I had to cut my left arm off with a plastic hanger.

I think global warming is real because you hardly see The Penguin on episodes of Batman anymore

Global warming can reduce terrorism because the isis melting.

How many planets are there in the solar system? There used to be nine, then there was eight and when I'm done with Uranus there'll be seven.

You can never tell when someone's had plastic surgery. It always looks super real & not weird or awful. You should get some.

A man came into the emergency room with six plastic toy horses in his ass... The doctors say his condition is stable.