environment jokes

Why does Uranus look so smooth compared to other gas giants in our solar system?

Wanna see an asshole wrapped in plastic? Yeah? Ok, let me see your driver's license. (My buddy's grandpa told me this back in high school the first time I met him.)

No plastic surgeon will help me! I have really giant hands and I'd like to make them smaller, but every time I ask the doctor for a hand-job I get kicked out.

Climate skeptics and 9/11-truthers unite! Alternative fuel can't melt steel beams!

A guy who doesn't believe in global warming is swimming in Egypt... He's in de-nile

"Why do people get plastic surgery? Why can't you just admit that it's over? Stop trying to look fuckable in your 50's." @MaleHonesty86

An unconscious man arrives at a hospital... After a series of x-rays, the radiologist discovered the man had several plastic horses in his anus. The doctors have declared his condition as "stable".

Climate change is such a joke... Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.

You know what celebrity they should get for Dancing With the Stars? That plastic bag from American Beauty.

Why are all the plants at the retirement home made of silk and plastic? Because everything that stays there just ends up dying.

A guy wraps himself in plastic wrap, no clothes or anything and walks into a psychologists office. The first thing she says is, "I can see your nuts."

You know what they saw about a guy with a large carbon footprint He is a big dick

How do you get to the top of a weather beacon? Climate

I don't respect Aquaman, because I can't respect a hero whose arch nemesis is that plastic drink holder that you find on a six pack of cans.

If someone came to my door & said "We'll give you a dollar for every plastic bag shoved under your kitchen sink." I'd be living large.

I have determined that the origin of monkeys on earth must be Neptune... ...because it is the ape planet in our solar system!

Twister 2: Climate change makes tornadoes evolve. They work together. We can't beat them. We team up instead The twisters destroy ISIS.

Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white... ...so now it looks like France landed there.

I met a plastic surgeon at a bar last night... He specialized in male-to-female sexual reassignment surgeries. He was a pretty nice guy, but a total *womanizer*.

how do you mathematically describe the tempo of global warming? Al Gore Rhythm

Why did Pluto miss the solar system party. He didn't planet right

Have you heard about these cats getting plastic surgery to look like kittens?

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse... I really should have invested in one of those carbon monoxide detectors.

What did carbon yell at gold while trying to get his attention? A! U!!! If it doesn't make sense tell it so someone out loud. Pretty sure this is my first original joke :)