My girlfriend is like Christmas.. Only comes once a year.
holidays jokes
2,589 total · showing the first 120 · page 5 of 5
What did the black kid get for christmas? Your bike.
If all the animals on the equator were capable of flattering Then halloween and thanksgiving would fall on the same day
Last Christmas I gave you my heart and the very next day you gave it away! Well grandma, that's how organ donation works.
I'm doing a UK Halloween party and your all invited.. Location : farnborough air show
A Christmas joke for you: Where do snowmen go to dance? The snowball!
It's almost Thanksgiving day... Remember to set all your scales back 10 pounds tonight.
Anyone hear what Russia is eating for Christmas? Turkey... Too soon?
Whos the coolest guy in hospital? The ultra-sound guy. Who takes over when hes on holiday? The hip-replacement guy
I get my wife the same thing every year for Christmas, a dildo and a pair of slippers If she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself
My 5 year old daughter wants a Tampon for Christmas She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it. Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...
A Ghost dressed up as human for Halloween Ghost knocks on neighbor's door: "Trick or treat!" Neighbor says to his wife, "That's the spirit".
Good news, insomniacs! Only 1 more sleep 'til Christmas!
Where is the 'L' in christmas? There is noel
I went to an Easter Egg hunt without a permit... ...They caught me poaching eggs.
Happy new year everyone! Sorry, I'm a premature congratulator.
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Easter Island Barbie ...the famous statue with blonde hair
Chris Rock and Drake Bell should make a Christmas special together, about making a song for a product... ...and call it "Jingle Bell Rock."
Me: "Can I have a few extra days off before Christmas?" Boss: "It's May." Me: "Sorry, may I have a few days off before Christmas?"
I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas. Now I'm fucking stuck taking care of a puppy.
Holiday typo: "give my beast to your lovely wife!"
For Christmas last year I got a sweater. This year I'd prefer a moaner or a squirter.
What did Timmy get for Christmas? Cancer
Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? A: Because he doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing the chickens.