My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
language jokes
2,340 total · showing the first 120 · page 1 of 5
My neighbors are arguing. So I threw 6 shoes in the dryer. They haven't said a word since.
I like the word funfetti because it takes confetti, which is used in somber occasions, like funerals, and it repurposes it for fun
Paranoid? I don't even know what that word means. I don't have time to learn new words, people are trying to kill me.
What is a ten letter word that starts with gas. Automobile Edit: not really a joke but didnt know where to put it.
The squiggly red lines in Word documents are your computer's allergic reaction to dumb.
you think there'd be a word for 'sleeping bag' that isn't a placeholder description of what it is
What's the best way for a prostitute to advertise? Word of mouth.
How do you calm down a grammar Nazi? There they're their...
I will literally punch you in the throat the next time you misuse the word "literally".
What's the difference between a bird, and a bird with only one wing? It's a matter of [a pinion](http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pinion).
I made up a new word plagiarism
Anyone ever notice how the word "opinion" looks like "onion", and how if you cut into either, people start crying?
I never really liked the word syllable. It's seems pretty full of itself.
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
What do you call a mythical milkshake? Legendairy (credits to my friend Edward Feng for this really dumb pun)
ME: Why are you leaving? WIFE: I have hated every stupid pun of yours since we left Manhasset 20 years ago ME: Manhasset been that long?
Mexican word of the day: nascar Hey man that's a nascar.. Where'd you get it?
My first post. It's also a tech pun. Konrad Zuse's Z1 was so slow it hertz.
I always get the last word in arguments with my girlfriend. I just say "Yes ma'am"
Why don't you have sex with a nameless man? Because no matter what you call him, he won't come. Edit: spelling
Q: Complete the following word analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to: 1) Divide 2) ROUND 3) RANDOM 4) On a Pentium all of the above A: Number 4.
[boardroom] "Now hear me out. They're Teenage.." Ok "Mutant.." I like where this is going "Ninja.." Noun me, Graham! "Turtles" You're fired
I just invented a new word. Plagiarism.