My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
relationships jokes
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A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better." "Thanks Dad," the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
"My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?"
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
What’s the difference between your job and your partner? After five years, your job still sucks.
My girlfriend refused to make a porno with me.. saying there are enough vine stars already
Fast and Furious [NSFW] I asked my girlfriend to give me road head and we got into an accident. I guess next time I should be the one driving.
My girlfriend has a seashell tattoo on her inner thigh When I put my ear up to it I can smell the ocean
How can you tell your girlfriend is getting to fat? She can wear your wife's clothes.
Billy Joel: You may be right, I may be crazy! But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for... Billy Joel's 3 ex-wives: Yeah. Nope.
side effects of Cialis may include dragging 2 bath tubs outside to sit in to watch the sunset with your confused but supportive partner
My girlfriend's vagina is like a Tesco shopping trolley It takes a pound in.
Referenced my previous girlfriend in an academic paper It was very ex-citing
Hey, did you hear that Carbon and Oxygen broke up? Yeah, it turns out their relationship was actually pretty toxic. Personally, I never saw it.
My girlfriend's refusal to learn the difference between baking soda and washing soda leaves me foaming at the mouth
What does a girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity? "Careful, dad, or you'll crush my smokes."
What's the worst thing about your girlfriend having a miscarriage? Trying to look upset.
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my obsession She said "I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a transformer". I said "But baby, I can change". She said "There you go again!"
My Girlfriend is doing majors in Physics Yesterday she texted me she needs time and distance. I dont even know why she wants to calculate the velocity
Pretty cool how the universe lets me know I'll be bumping into my ex by making me spill coffee on my shirt.
Why is sex like a game of bridge? -You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.
I heard Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to work in pest control. He's gonna be an ex-terminator.
I once poured an entire bag of potato chips on my girlfriend. I wanted to ruffle her feathers.
If Caitlyn Jenner were a super hero, what team would she be on? The Ex-Men.