real estate agent jokes

Realtor: This house here comes with a playroom Wife: Oh, the kids will love that! Realtor: It's not that kind of playroom Husband: Nice

REALTOR: It's a great neighborhood. Wonderful schools- ME: And the Pokemon? REALTOR: .... sigh. Mostly Pidgeys ME: I think I've seen enough.

REALTOR: You'll LOVE this home- ME: My dog doesn't like it. REALTOR: But I- ME: [holding dog in realtor's face] I TRUST HIM MORE THAN YOU

I'm a British real estate agent I only drink propertea.

If Superman were a realtor, he could describe literally any apartment in the world as 'a stone's throw from the beach'.

My wife and I went to see a realtor. "Have you guys considered moving houses?" he asked. I said, "No, we don't like caravans."

"Echolocation, echolocation, echolocation!" -Dolphin realtor

House Hunters: "We want a slide, cheeseburgers, a clown." Realtor: Are you describing McDonalds? "haha no" *3 kids tumble out of trenchcoat*

Me: You can't honestly expect me to believe this house isn't haunted; I can see the ghost walls from here. Realtor: Those are windows.

me as a realtor: This house does include a crawl space. It's probably full of bones already, but you can always add more bones yourself.

Me: This is a nice, quiet neighborhood. Real estate agent: This is a cemetery. Me: I'll take it.

Real Estate Agent: Do you want to look at the model homes? Me: I'm flattered you think I'm a model but I'll just look at the regular homes

[Me as a Realtor] BUYERS: this is a great house, what's the catch? ME: Well, it is a bit.. [cant think of the word haunted] ghost encrusted

So a realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an Open House A guy says "Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?" The realtor says "Brochure"

Go to an open house and ask the realtor if they'll stand in the basement with the door closed so you can hear if screams are audible outside

"Now, tilt your head and give me total scumbag!" - Realtor headshot photographer