Right now, someone is wearing cargo pants and getting away with it. I can't even concentrate on my book.
dry jokes
704 total · showing the first 120 · page 2 of 5
1 3 5 7 I can't even.
Why do people always ask me for directions? I have no clue where I am going. I am sure i have sent 100's of people into the ocean.
"How much would you say you read the Bible?" "Well, I don't read it religiously." Bud-dum tss, I hate myself.
Therapist: So what happened in your last relationship? I lost him to addiction. Therapist: I'm so sorry. Drugs? Yes please.
"This one's cute." - me picking out a watermelon. I have no idea what I'm doing.
My mother is like cloud storage. Everyone shares her and i have no idea where she's located. Ps: I don't know if i phrased everything correctly.
Why did we skip windows 9? Because 7 8 9 I'm so sorry
I heard I'm so bad at making jokes. It's laughable.
I'm starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I'll never ever use one again. I'm so excited about it. Yes.
Guys, police jokes aren't funny. So give it arrest. (I'm so sorry)
I have a contact lens problem. I have no contact lens solution.
Guys I need help. What are the type of numbers you get when you take an integer and add it to itself? I can't even
"I'm so wasted!!" Vegetables in my refrigerator.
The last person who bought golden oreos at my Neighborhood's Walgreens and realized there was an entire row missing. I'm so sorry..
I like TV, I was watching Blue Peter today He's my neighbour with a heart condition who was walking his dog. I asked why he didn't have a pacemaker. He replied "I can't even keep up with my dog"...
I'm so upset- I threw a bukkake party last night, but it was a complete disaster. Nobody came.
Wow, according to the New York Times, just kidding, I have no idea what's going on.
[Cannibal Restaurant] Waiter: Need anything else? Cannibal: No, I'm stuffed. I can't even finish this. Could I get a body bag?
I'm so good at sleeping... I can do it with my eyes closed.
Do I believe in free will? Well I have no choice.
Who are the world's fastest readers? The 911 victims. They went through 50 stories in a minute. I'm so sorry
Weekend My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.
Too much of my life is spent trying to think of something to write on people's FB walls for their birthday other than "Happy Birthday!"