Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
crime jokes
4,016 total · showing the first 120 · page 1 of 5
Two men stole an entire stock of viagra from a pharmacy. The police are now on the lookout for two hardened criminals.
When dealing with the police it's important to always remain calm and be white.
How many police officers... How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None, he fell!
A cannibal, a terrorist and a rapist walk into a bar... in their jail cell.
Wanna see a pig with three eyes [improved] a cop with a body camera.
Why did the Chicken cross the Basketball Court? Because he heard the Ref was Blowing Fowls.
Promised myself that today I wouldn't steal anything, kill anyone or use any Meatloaf song lyrics in a sentence & two out of three ain't bad
My art teacher told me to draw a Tardis I think im going to fail since I just drew police box.
I got a prison tattoo of mitochondria Now I truly am the powerhouse of the cell
I filled my brother's shampoo bottle with olive oil and glitter last night. Have a great day in court, counselor!
How does a lawyer from Panama play his guitar? He shreds.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? One you pay $500 an hour to screw you. The other one has sex for money.
ME: Then the robber came thru the door holding a gun COP: Was it a revolver? ME [thinks] No he just pushed it open & walked thru like normal
What do you call a Social Justice Warrior in a society of strippers? The thot police! ^^^^PleaseDon'tBeTooHardOnMe.
What did the headlines read after the midget fortune-teller escaped from jail? Small medium at large.
Good cop: we found her body in the river Cop who doesn't want people knowing he can't swim: I was sick that day otherwise I'd have found it
Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working? Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.
How many police men does it take to change a lightbulb? Doesn't matter...they'll just beat the room for being black.
I hear your not supposed to refer to police as policemen or women anymore. Something about it not being the PC term.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON-Never mind, I found it.
I could probably kill this woman, serve my prison sentence, come back here and buy my diet coke before she finishes writing her check.
Change sentence to tense? Teacher: Change this sentence into Future Tense, "I killed a person" . Student: The Future tense is "You will go to a jail"
What do you call a prisoner who's psychic,has dwarfism and escaped the prison? A small medium at large!