aging jokes

When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn't have toilet paper with aloe.

Hillary's doctor tells her she has the heart of a 20 year old And now he wants her to give it back to whoever she carved it out of their chest.

For sale: $300 King size mattress & box spring, 6 mo old, Never had sex on it, not even once. IDK ask her.

CALL AN AMBULANCE!? NO WAY! that old lady is DEFINITELY unconscious. here, go start my car. I'm gonna go wipe the prints off our frisbee.

Me: how old is your daughter? Person: she's 31 months Me: ok but like how old in minutes?

What do you call a dog that wisely saves money for retirement? A 401(K-9).

The Story of the Old, Empty Barn There was nothing in it.

Old people at weddings always poke me and say your next So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

What do you call a vampire after it is one-year-old? A two-year-old vampire.

How many Mennonites does it take to change a light bulb? Seven - one to actually change the bulb and six to complain that they liked the old one better.

I better have a baby soon before my Mom gets too old to raise it for me

3 Old Women and a Flasher Three old women are sitting on a park bench when a man comes by and flashes them. Two of them have a stroke, and the third one couldn't reach.

How many yankees fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just stand in the dark talking about how good the old one was.

Old Man and his Babies

If a 92 year old woman hooks up with a seventy five year old man. She's no longer considered a couger. That's a saber tooth.

'Mum there's a man at the door collecting for the Old Folk's Home. Shall I give him Grandma ?'

Have you heard about these new corduroy pillows? They've really been making headlines. -courtesy of my 8 year old niece.

My dad put a lot of pressure on me as a child. He used to say stuff like, "You're five years old? When I was your age, I was six"

My 8 yr old just asked me how the first microchip was built at the exact time I was wondering what other animals got sweaty armpits.

stupid knock knock joke Knock knock Who's there Little old lady Little old lady who I didn't know you can yodel

They say 75% of all Americans live next to a pedophile. Not me.... I live next door to a hot 10 year old girl.

I like my women like I like my wine... 12 years old and in the cellar

My resolution? To eat like a normal person, as opposed to my old habit of hate-fucking my mouth with a fork.

What are you going to be when you get out of school? An old man!