police officer jokes

What must a policeman have before searching a rabbits' home? A search warren!

Wanna see a pig with three eyes [improved] a cop with a body camera.

ME: Then the robber came thru the door holding a gun COP: Was it a revolver? ME [thinks] No he just pushed it open & walked thru like normal

Good cop: we found her body in the river Cop who doesn't want people knowing he can't swim: I was sick that day otherwise I'd have found it

I got pulled over by a female cop.. When i asked what's wrong, she said "NOTHING!!"

What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains? -Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

This cop spots this blond driving on the freeway knitting! Pull Over! he yells. No! She yells back, Cardigan!

I got pulled over today for going 112 mph in a 55 mph zone. The police officer said "I've been waiting for someone like you all day." I promptly replied "Well I got here as fast as I could!"

Good cop: you two could go away for six years each for this Add cop: for a total of twelve years between you

What did the cop say to Boris Yosanavich after pulling him over for speeding? Quit Russian.

[knock at door] Cop: open up, it's the police Me [doing an Estonian accent]: I'm not here Cop: are you in Estonia? Me: I am. I'm in Estonia

"What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

*petting a dog* So how long have you been blind, officer? *gets arrested*

Officer: How high are you? Me: No officer it's hi how are you.

OK THERE. DID I PASS YOUR STUPID SOBRIETY TEST YET? Cop: Sir, you're still laying on the ground where you fell down.

Me: smells like upyou'refreetogo in here. Cop: what's upyou'refreetogo? Me: *finger guns* catch ya later Cop: aww damn lol got me again

Cop: You already had your phonecall now state your name for the tape or you're going to jail Ivana Fonekaal: [looks at lawyer]

What do u call a mexican in the back of a cop car? Pork and beans

A cop stops an electron for speeding. He says "Did you know you were going 100 mph?" "Great", says the electron, "now I'm lost!"

Police officer: Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I'm just as confused as you are.

[break-in] BURGLAR: [cracks safe] COP: Not so fast, kiddo BURGLAR: [cracks safe more slowly]

This is bullshit. I surrender my keys after 8 tequila shots and this cop is all, "Ma'am, you can't walk down Main Street in your underwear."

Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I'm riding a Big Wheel on the freeway? Officer: A STOLEN BIG WHEEL

"Do you know how fast you were going?" 75 in a 55. I'm sorry officer. "Get out of the car." *Cop cuddles driver* "Stop doing this. I worry."