What's the world's longest Ted Talk? How I Met Your Mother
family jokes
9,174 total · showing the first 120 · page 2 of 5
Isn't it so wierd when you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear? Anyway my dad just caught me browsing r/jokes
Why is it called a 'dad-bod' and not a 'father-figure'?
"You're mother." (thing to say to your mother).
the miracle of being a teen mom when you get pregnant young and your baby is born, hes feet are so small but even so he manages to stomp your dreams and goals.
I'm so poor that for Christmas my mom cut a hole in my pants so I would have something to play with.
My buddy's autistic twin brother has a seizure while on a camping trip, causing my buddy to miss his first day on the job at Dominoes. "Tell the manager your brother had a Little Caesar"
My mom told me to go to my happy place so I pulled out my phone and went to Reddit.
So i was taking a picture of you and your mom and i had to ask your mom to step aside Because I only have 5GB space left on my phone.
What does a girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity? "Careful, dad, or you'll crush my smokes."
The worst part of going to church with my family is when we get caught on the Kiss Cam.
"Woman impregnated at Motorhead concert seeks father on Craigslist." And they say romance is dead
John's mother in-law comes for a visit. So, how long will you stay,mom? As long as i'm welcomed. Oh, that's too bad, you should at least stay for a cup of coffee
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Unless that beholder is your mom cause we all know that doesn't count.
My Dad always said never use any shortcuts. Probably why it takes him so fucking long to do anything on the computer
I met the girl of my dreams, but it turned out she was my cousin... Lesson learned: Don't flirt at family reunions
Mum thinks she's Dad. **Dad:** Honey, where oh where is a pair of my underwear? **Mum:** Your underwear is under there. **Dad:** Under where? **Mum:** Yes.
My dad's bread factory burnt down Now his business is toast
Dinner with Mom: Are these real people you're talking about or are they from the internet?
What does a bowling ball and your mom have in common? You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter, and they'll always come back.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick. My dad used to tell me this all the time when I was little. Still makes me chuckle to this day.
I filled my brother's shampoo bottle with olive oil and glitter last night. Have a great day in court, counselor!
My dad tried to surprise me with a truck for my birthday. But he missed.
A Dad picks his son up from school Dad: what did you learn at school today, son? Son: apparently not enough, I have to go back tomorrow.