Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
marriage jokes
8,062 total · showing the first 120 · page 4 of 5
My wife has the hottest ass in the world... Me.
If you were my gf, I'd have a warm bath and a meal ready for when you got home every day Her: I'm your wife Like I said, if you were my gf
A groom raises his glass to toast his wife on their wedding day I've finally found a perfect girl i could not ask for more she's deaf and dumb and over sexed and owns a liquor store.
Before I proposed to my GF I asked her father but he was already married.
[walking around still disappointed 6 hours after visiting an aquarium] wife: what did you think a tiger shark was, brent
Dying husband asks his wife: Our 7th son always looked different from the other 6, did he have a different father?" Wife (crying): Yes! Husband: Who? Wife: You! Husband Dies.
Ex: Holy skinny jeans! Me: They are new. Like them? Ex: Sure... Me: What? Ex: Should a woman your age wear those? Divorce Reason 509
My husband doesn't find it nearly as amusing as I do, when I read all your tweets out loud to him. For 2 hours. Douche.
Me: "What's wrong?" Wife: "Nothing's wrong." [Sighs heavily. Rolls eyes. Clenches jaw. Bursts into flame.] Me: "I think something's wrong."
I am 38, last night i was out with my 19 y.o. girlfriend and someone yelled "paedophile!" ... It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.
If a tree falls in the woods and the wife's not there to witness it, it'll be my fault when i get home.
A man gets a quote tattooed on his dick. He goes home to his wife who says, "stop trying to put words in my mouth!"
Wife A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
If some people still have ray rice jerseys, keep em. I use mine as a wife beater
Did you hear what happened to Lot's wife? She got assaulted
Cocktail bar.. Wife went to a cocktail bar, she asked the barman for a double entendre ..,so he gave her one.
Why can't two melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.
I asked a friend of mine who cheats on his spouse how he sleeps at night. He responded "With your wife, John"
What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife? He gets hammered and she gets nailed.
Last night I had a dream that I wrote the Lord of the Rings. When I woke up my wife said I had been Tolkien in my sleep...
Did you hear about the Antennas that got married? The wedding was lame, but the reception was great!
ME: I can't find my sandals WIFE: did you look everywhere? ME: yes WIFE: even down ME: yes even dowI did not put those on