Johnny was sitting in math class one day when his teacher called on him to answer a question. She asked, “If there were five birds sitting on a fence and you fired a gun at one of them, how many would be left?” “None,” Johnny replied, “because the others would all fly away”. “The answer is four,” said the teacher, “but I like your way of thinking”. “Now I have a question for you,” said Johnny. “Three women are sitting in an ice cream parlor. One is looking at her ice cream, one is biting hers, and the third is licking it. Which one is married?” “Well,” said the teacher nervously, “I guess the third one”. “It’s the one wearing the wedding ring,” Johnny replies, “but I like your way of thinking!”
wedding jokes
644 total · showing the first 120 · page 1 of 5
My girlfriend and I are having a disagreement. She wants a huge wedding with 500 guests and a piano player... I want us to see other people.
Scientists just discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%... it's called 'wedding cake'
American: I was just at a shotgun wedding Me: How far pregnant was the bride? American: You English are insane Shotguns can't get pregnant
A groom raises his glass to toast his wife on their wedding day I've finally found a perfect girl i could not ask for more she's deaf and dumb and over sexed and owns a liquor store.
What do Russian women get from their husbands that's long and hard on their wedding night? His last name.
Did you hear about the Antennas that got married? The wedding was lame, but the reception was great!
The best way to return any clothing left at your place is to do a drive-by with a t-shirt gun on her wedding day.
My wedding anniversary is next week. Does anyone have an idea for a gift that conveys the sentiment 'our love is priceless' for under $75?
Two antennae had a wedding... It was alright, but the reception was amazing.
How do you know it was not U.S. that did the aerial bombing? Because the funeral, wedding and hospital were not the targets.
What food, when consumed by a female, causes a complete loss of desire? Wedding cake.
Emotional Wedding I went to a wedding last week. It was very emotional. Even the cake was in tiers. (Credit to pigoletto on the FUNNY subreddit)
What happened at the cannibal's wedding party? They toasted the bride and groom.
What's the name of the phobia for a fear of opening your mailbox because there might be a wedding invitation inside?
"Wow, this relationship is really rocky. I bet a wedding and baby will solve everything!" Women logic.
I just put on sine trousers I haven't worn since a wedding in 2001. I found a Nokia 3210 in the pocket... It still had 2 bars of battery. *some trousers
Going to a wedding today: Me: Do I look ok boys? 6: You look fine. 9: You look wow. Clearly I have work to do with the little one.
Congrats on the wedding dude. A present? Na man, everyone brings a present. I brought a past. Remember your ex-fiance Jan? Jan! come say hi.
Today is my 18th wedding anniversary. If my husband doesn't give me a divorce as a gift I'm telling his girlfriend.
Three blondes are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is sucking hers one is biting hers one is licking hers. Which one is married? The one with the wedding ring YOU SICK-O!
What is something long and hard that a Polish Bride gets on her wedding day? A last name.
Everybody always says they want a fairytale wedding, but when I show up and curse their newborn, suddenly I'm a jerk.
What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night? A new last name.