social media jokes

What do you call something that you do to your self with one hand? A Selfie!

FB is the Flanders of social media, Twitter is Moe.

the Facebook app for iPhone

My great grandpa died in the holocaust. He fell off his gaurd post.

X-post from /r/christianity t

"I have an unsolicited opinion on that!" --Every douche blanket on Twitter.

When a tramp, covered in his own piss shouts at you, you don't take it personally. So why are you ever offended by idiots on Twitter?

ME: I'm gonna plug my Twitter handle. WIFE: Please don't. ME: I'm gonna do it *walks to the microphone in front of the funeral*

Twitter has no plot, millions of characters, & it never ends. Basically, it's a "Hobbit" movie.

Just phished Forest Gump's Facebook password, it's: 1Forest1

I lost 7 followers today. It's nice to know some people are finally reading my tweets

I'm afraid of Spotify ruining music the way Facebook ruined friends.

I just had sex I don't know where else to post it

How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking. Jk. Rowling. Sorry if repost, I just saw it on my Facebook and laughed really hard.

Instagram is down! I'm freaking out! What are you people eating? How are your pets? What the hell is happening???

The words 'selfie' and 'twerk' have been added to the dictionary this year while 'charm' and 'dignity' have been removed.

FACEBOOK A place where couples wish they were single and the singles wish they were couples.

[hospital] Looks like ur Vine went viral. "Yay!" Sorry ur VEIN went viral...you have a fatal blood disease. "So waitmy Vine didn't go viral?"

So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.

That awkward moment when you die, and all you were trying to do was take a selfie with a lion on a jungle safari..

You know when it's a viral video when... The video is taken vertically.

That awkward moment when someone adds you on Facebook, but never says hi in real life.

Boss: I'm following you on Twitter. Me: Sweet! 'Nother follower! [Days later] Me: Oh wait. Shit.

If we could harness the fake enthusiasm put towards wishing people a happy birthday on Facebook, we could power half the planet.