social media jokes

The Huffington Post just did a fascinating piece on the 9 Greatest Single-Digit Numbers of All Time.

Eventually you're going to achieve self awareness in a padded cell, staring at your palm, realizing twitter was just all your personalities

If it acts like a duck, sounds like a duck and looks like a duck, then it is probably some girl on Instagram taking a selfie.

DATING TIP: Girls like bad boys! Brag about your Twitter gang.

Reddit nowadays This post is locked

The Amazing Spiderman was good but they didn't cover the part in his life where he co-founded Facebook...I assume that will be in the sequel...

Dear @MSNBC, if it's something that Twitter told me 6 hours ago, then lets not consider it "Breaking News"

Has anyone seen the new Ebola video ? I heard it went viral.

This chic on Facebook said she ran 17 miles yesterday. Where I live the police would have gave up after like, IDK, 6 miles maybe.

Being a bigger account doesn't make you a better person. We're all terrible people. We're on twitter. I threw a baby at a fox this morning.

I've stopped trying to explain twitter to my friends and now just say,"I collect tiny imaginary people in my phone using jokes as bait."

I never proof read anything myself Instead, I just sandwich my writings with hateful opinions, post them to Reddit, and read the replies. People seem more than eager to point out my mistakes.

Why don't Game of Thrones characters tweet with Twitter? They were ravin' with Raven.

I had a near-life experience...I nearly quit Facebook.

If Twitter has done nothing else, it's trained me to spell words like diarrhea, gonorrhea & chlamydia without spell check.

My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it's either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke..... in which I talk about having a wife.

New users will never know about the old Twitter. I'll tell them stories of it, and how I walked uphill both ways. In the snow.

How is life at the post office going? It's going well I guess. It has its usps and it's downs. Edited for correctness

Rule of thumb: if the picture you took of someone doesn't look like the pictures they post of themselves, don't tag them!

Just once I want to see a new parent post a baby photo on Facebook with the words: "Still not sure if we like it, tbh."

What is a goal keepers favourite snack ? Beans on post !

Half of my Facebook friends are still there solely because their life is a train wreck and it's entertaining.

Leaving Twitter for Facebook is like leaving the bar to go home.

If you don't tell your girlfriend she's beautiful everyday, 614 guys on Facebook who haven't had sex or even been on a date in 9 years will.