list joke jokes

There are two kinds of friends: 1. Friends with benefits 2. Friends with potential.

How to tell if your wife is mad at you 1. She is

Things that we wished were delivered 1. Taco Bell 2. OP 3.

How to dress like Lady Gaga: 1. Go to ikea. 2. Pick a object that doesn't belong on your head. 3. Put it on your head.

I like to tell people my wife was top of her class until she learned about drugs in college. She got her degree in pharmacy and was in the top 5 in her graduating class.

Do you know the 6 states of matter? 1. Solid 2. Liquid 3. Gas 4. Plasma. 5. BoseEinstein condensate 6. Black Lives

I basically have three hairstyles. 1. Straight 2. Wavy 3. Homeless

2 reasons why im fat 1) i eat when I'm bored 2) im always bored

1. Buy Dick Cheney's memoir. 2. Tie it to a board. 3. Pour water on it. 4. Demand the truth. 5. Fail to get it.

Danke for calling Germany. To order beer, press 1. To order weapons, press 2. To order philosophy, press 1 until it resembles a 2.

Better than a Justin Bieber concert: 1. Being deaf. 2. A rattlesnake bite. 3. Chewing razor blades. 4. Licking a public toilet seat.

Things I Suck At: 1. straws, ha ha jk lol 2. Parallel parking, no seriously, I'm really terrible at this 3. straws, haha same joke as before

How to run faster: 1. Drink a lot of water 2. Wait till u have to pee 3. Start running You're welcome

So sad America ranks 25th in the world in math. But at least we're still in the top 10.

How to properly use a paper clip: 1. Throw in garbage 2. Use a stapler

The best ways to spell the name Sean: 1. Sean 2. Shawn 3. Shaun 4. Chone 5. Shnzzang 6. Beans! 7. Ulurion 8. Shon?

My ceiling fan has 3 settings: 1. Very slow 2. Slow 3. I'm about to detach from the ceiling and kill you in a freak ceiling fan accident

Life plan: 1. Befriend shady people. 2. Witness a murder. 3. Enter witness protection & get new name. 4. So long student loans!

Top 10 Ways To Avoid Clickbait, Number 8 Always Works Well, this wasn't one of them

A man walks into a bar and notices two things: 1. there's a line. 2. The daily special is a Cranberry & Vodka. So he gets into the punch-line.

[family feud] Steve Harvey: Top 5 answers on the board, name a place you would plant evidence... Me: *buzzes first* EVIDENCE GARDEN

Two things you need to know about me: 1. I am hung over. 2. Sometimes I say the word over for no reason.

really old joke based off a video game from the 90's What are the three certainties in life? ( Thank you for spellcheck on google chrome ) 1. death 2. taxes. 3. you'll hear this joke sooner or later

79% of people don't know the opposites of these 6 words. 1. Always 2. Coming 3. From 4. Take 5. Me 6. Down Are YOU the 21%?