list joke jokes

1. Sits in the bedroom 2. Doesn't leave the house 3. Doesn't go out with freinds My childhood punishments are my adult hobies

There is only 2 things you need to know to succeed in life 1. Never help anyone succeed. 2.

How to be depressed Step 1. Go to 1973 and sell 10% shares of apple for $800 Step 2. Realise those 10% is worth $43 billion nowadays.

1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? -top 3 things on my mind when I'm in a a conversation

Worst things the parents do in Home Alone: 3. Never punish Buzz 2. Forget one of their kids 1. Try to make everyone drink milk with pizza

There are two secrets to success 1. Never tell anyone all of your secrets 2.

1. Stand in sauna 2. Add 30,000 strangers 3. Take 2 steps every 30 seconds 4. Repeat for 12 hours Congratulations! How was Disneyworld?

A few simple tips: 1. Don't promise when you're happy. 2. Don't reply when you're angry. 3. Don't decide when you're sad.

Top 5 oxymorons: 1. Jumbo shrimp 2. Civil war 3. Virtual reality 4. Great outdoors 5. Family vacation

Good things about drinking on the plane: 1. You don't have to drive. 2. No matter how much you drink, they can't throw you out.

How To Tell A Girl Is Mad: 1. She tells you she's mad 2. She tells you she's not mad 3. She sets your stuff on fire 4. She sets you on fire

Preferred way to connect with me (ranked most to least): 1. Text 2. Twitter DM 3. Email 4. Phone 5. Climb through my window 6. LinkedIn

How to make a woman crazy in two steps: 1. Take a picture of her 2. Don't show her the picture

How to tell if you're wearing too much Axe: 1. Are you wearing Axe? No- Good. Yes- That's too much.

1. Secretly take a bunch of pictures of someone you see everyday but barely know 2. Friend request them on FB 3. Tag them in 238 photos

5 Strategies to stop arguing whit your Women 1. Admit she is right 2. Admit she is right 3. admit she is right 4. admit she is right 5. run for your life

Four Worst Feelings Ever: 4. Losing your job 3. Romantic break up 2. Death of a loved one 1. Needing to pee when you're stuck in traffic

1. Pick jeans to wear 2. Pull them up to thighs 3. Pants dance for 3 minutes 4. Take pants off 5. Put sweatpants on 6. Cry, eat pumpkin pie

Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things.

Top 3 screwdrivers: 1. Tool for turning screws 2. Vodka and orange juice 3. Method of Uber payment

How to tell if your kid is doing drugs 1. Are your drugs missing?

There are two kinds of people in this world... 1. People who can count 2. People who can't 3. People who aren't good at telling jokes

The most toxic substances known to mankind. 1. Arsenic 2. Cyanide 3. Polonium 4. Mercury 5. The League of Legends community

How to get laid. A guide. Steps: 1. Lay on Bed 2. Wait 2 hours 3. Lay becomes past tense.