farmer jokes

What did the farmer say when he tried to milk the cow, but nothing came out? "Time to try the udder one."

How does the farmer count up his cows? ...with a cowculator.

Why did the eunuch farmer wake up late? he had no cock!!!

Did you hear about the farmer who fell in love with his cows milk? It was his significant udder

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables? Lettuce pray they turnip.

What kind of speech did the farmer give his cornfield? It didn't matter, they were all ears

Lassie runs up to Farmer Fred *Bark!* What is it Lassie? *Bark! Bark bark!* What's that girl? Timmy fell down a well! *Bark! Bark bark woof!* Right! I'll say you were here with me the whole time.

A farmer walks past a tombstone that says: Here lies a lawyer, an honest man, a man of integrity. The peasant crosses himself and says scared: "Blessed Virgin, three men buried in the same grave!"

My uncle is a farmer. Last year he won an award for outstanding in his field.

How did the farmer figure out how much milk he had? He used cowculus!

If a parsley farmer falls behind on his taxes, does the government garnish his wages?

How did the farmer find his wife? He tractor down

Me: sorry I can't go to the farmer's market with you. Allergies. Friend: pollen? Me: hipsters.

What did one German wheat farmer say to the other German wheat farmer? Gluten tag

What did the farmer say to Lil Jon? Turnip for what

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster farmer and a prostitute with diarrhea? The oyster farmer shucks between fits...

An evangelical dairy farmer stopped by my house on Sunday He wanted to talk about Cheeses.

Q: When is a farmer like a magician? A: When he turns his cow to pasture.

Been at this farmer's market for 20 minutes. Haven't seen a single beard. About to FREAK OUT & start throwing these organic soaps

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor?"

Farmer Brown put up a pig-shaped weather vane but he's not happy with it. Instead of pointing with the wind the pig vane keeps pointing toward the feed trough.

Did you hear about the farmer running the illicit sex ring? Apparently it was a pig fucking deal.

Have you heard the one about the suicidal farmer that liked to mutilate cows? He was a danger to himself and udders. Edit: Spelling

How did the farmer find the sheep in the tall grass? Very satisfying.