money jokes

the only exercise this month ive done is running out of money

Girl are you a Louis Vuitton store? Because I've never been inside you and probably never will unless I'm rich one day.

6 said he isn't sleeping in his room cause the tooth fairy sounds creepy but he left the tooth cuz he needs the money. -No DNA test needed

Rest of world: don't do anything crazy plz UK: fk u we used to own u watch this *does backflip *money falls out of pockets *cracks head open

I'm so broke that I posed nude for a magazine last week. That's the last time I go to that newsagents!

from Jabba the Hutt's perspective Star Wars is the story of a guy who owed him money and then instead of paying had his friends murder him

This chick last night told me to do her like her ex husband so I drained her bank accounts and banged her sister

Me and my Girlfriend just broke up We had different views on history, I wanted to Hitler and she was just Stalin.

The Whole Foods next to this movie theater is perfect if you want to sneak in your own snacks, but don't want to save a lot of money.

[job interview] "any questions?" yeah is it Pets Mart or Pet Smart? "ma'am this is a bank" I know but you seem like a man with some answers

Heard about the blonde that sold her car for GAS Money...

How will the Duggar's stay on TV and make money? By moving the show to a "true crime" channel and calling it "18 Victims and Counting".

Son, as a reward for graduating high-school at the top of your class, we've decided to pool or money and send you abroad! Son: Is she hot?

*Robber runs into Chipotle* GIMME THE MONEY IN THE REGISTER "Is this for here or to go?" Uh. To go "Do you want guac?" Sure "It's extra"

A little boy and a little girl are having a bath... When the little girl looks down at the little boy's crotch and notices his penis. "Can I touch it?" She asks him. "No! You already broke yours off!"

I just broke up with my girlfriend who had a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone on the side.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black and arrest the lightbulb for being broke.

Why is money green? Jews pick it before its ripe.

Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't Budget<drops mic> Ironically I'm an Accountant and have Chron's so this is not my problem.

The washing machine broke so I had to wash my undies in the river. As a bonus, 3 catfish floated to the top afterwards, so dinner is served!

What would a piggy-bank say if it could talk? Coink! Coink!

Finding Money Reaching into a pair of pants and finding a wad of money is a great feeling . . . . until the person wearing the pants starts screaming.

A naked women robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face.

A money-hungry man opted to change his name And the Rich get Richard