thanksgiving jokes

Its thanksgiving, and I am thankful for my dog, my boobies, and my life. Happy thanksgiving to you and your boobies.

Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner? He was exceeding the feed limit!

Why is thanksgiving such a special holiday at the gas station? It is a day to be tankful.

Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: Because they can't afford any more pork.

*aliens land on Thanksgiving* *me showing them around* "We have a specific bone we break from the carcass to make a wish" Aliens: Savages

Can you guess how many turkeys we're gonna serve tomorrow? Turkey-two j.k. we don't celebrate thanksgiving here lol happy normal day to us

*at Thanksgiving dinner* Me: One of you is eating poison green bean casserole. Everyone: *gasp* Me: Just kidding you all are.

What does a stripper eat for thanksgiving dinner? Twerky

I hope that Cyber Monday extends to the deep web... Because I'm going to need to a discount on a new liver after all of that Thanksgiving drinking!

This transition of power reminds me of when my grandma turned over Thanksgiving duties to my mom and the night ended with police showing up.

What did Voltaire eat for Thanksgiving? Candide yams

Happy Thanksgiving Reddit! Let us all give thanks to the day Jesus ate turkey with the pilgrims.

Russia might not celebrate thanksgiving but I'm pretty sure they will be frying a turkey.

I've had Thanksgiving dinner four times and I'm kind of getting addicted. I'm quitting this cold turkey.

Obama calls Putin and asks abut his Thanksgiving. Putin: Turkey is about to be cooked.

What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.

What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving? 1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise

What do Muslims eat for Thanksgiving? Quran-berries!

What did the hipster say the day after thanksgiving? I liked the leftovers before they were cool.

Why shouldn't you join Alcoholics Anonymous on Thanksgiving? Because all they serve is cold turkey.

Imagine my surprise at the school Thanksgiving "costume" party, when I showed up as Poison Ivy and everyone else was dressed as pilgrims.

How do you keep your Thanksgiving guests from falling asleep on your couch? Infuse the gravy with cocaine.

A twist on a Thanksgiving classic . . . Written by my twelve-year-old brother: Q: April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring? A: Separatists and small pox.

'Twas the night before Thanksgiving, and I'm out of breath I've been in the kitchen all day, cooking up meth.