engineer jokes

Why is the network engineer sad? Because his career is in bits.

An optimist says the glass is half full, a pessimist says the glass is half empty... ... an engineer just points out that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

"The club can't even handle me right now." What, like structurally? Should we call an engineer? Evacuate? Advise.

Why did the engineer drive the backwards? He had a loco motive.

A British engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan. He is making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well. He says prophets are through the roof.

A vegan, a cross fitter and an engineer walk into a bar No they didn't, they couldn't decide who got to tell the bouncer at the door what they do.

What happened to the engineer who miss labeled all the floor numbers He was wrong on so many levels.

What did the windmill say to the windmill engineer? I'm a big fan of your work

Did you hear about the engineer who was trying to truncate a table? They say his technique was cutting-edge

How do you spot an engineer at a party? He'll come up to you and tell you himself.

An unemployed engineer... if ( engineer == employed() ) { print "Meh"; } else { make_a_stupid_joke (); }

Q: Why did the engineer drive the backwards? A: He had a loco motive.

QA engineer walks into a bar ...(x-post from r/programmerHumor) Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv.

When someone tells me they're a doctor or an engineer all I can think is: "wow your parents must've yelled at you to do your homework a lot"

Please join me. My daughter an I did this for hours one day. Zombie phlebotomist, veinnnnns. Zombie engineer, traaaaiiins. Zombie Dixie Chicks fan, Natalie Maiiiinns.

How do you measure how funny an electrical engineer is? You use an o-silly-scope!

QA Engineer Goes To A Bar He orders 1 beer. He orders -1 beer. He orders 644644678 beer. He orders a goat. He orders asdfg.

how do you tell the difference between an extroverted engineer and an introverted engineer? the extroverted engineer looks at *your* shoes.

What did the Computer Engineer say? What did the computer Engineer say when he saw his favorite drink? ICT

How do you know you're speaking with an engineer? Don't worry they'll tell you.

What did one sub-orbital jet propulsion engineer say to the other? This ain't exactly rocket science.

How can you tell if an engineer is an extrovert? They look at YOUR shoes when they talk to you.

I met this guy who said he was a Mir space station Engineer. But I thought it was quite an achievement.

What's the difference between god and an engineer God doesn't walk around thinking he's a fuckin engineer. (Told to me by a millwright)