A man walks in for a blood donation. The nurse asks "Are you sexually active?" The man replies "Wouldn't that be rather awkward with us both sitting here?"
nurse jokes
210 total · showing the first 120 · page 4 of 5
"The doctor can see you now." - a nurse, after removing the doctor's blindfold.
[Working in a hospital] ME: Well, this guy's autopsy is done NURSE: You mean tonsillectomy ME: Uh oh
A Nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket ...and says "some asshole's got my pen"
Doctor: Nurse how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night? Nurse: No change yet.
The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.
[pet therapy] THERAPIST: ok slow ME: *pets 2 dogs* T: just 1 M: *pets 3 dogs* T: Nurse, restrain him, he's M: *pets 4 dogs* T: roverdosing
My mother is in the hospital... She's a nurse.
I asked Nurse Joy if she could examine me. She said "I'll take a Pikachu."
John Cena woke up from a coma John Cena: Where am I? Nurse: ICU John Cena: No you don't. Edit: double enter
You said that if I went to visit at the hospital I should be sure to take flowers. So, when the nurse wasn't looking, I did.
Q: Why didn't the little girl want to leave nursery school? A: She wanted to be a nurse.
Why didn't the little girl want to leave nursery school? She wanted to be a nurse.
Part of being a woman means you can break your leg or be having a cardiac arrest & a nurse will still ask when your last period was.
Upon request of a signature, a nurse reaches into her pocket only to find a thermometer... she exclaims, "Some asshole's got my pen!"
Did you hear what they named the plane that carried nurse #1 to Maryland? The Ebola gay
[At maternity ward] Me: is this where babies are delivered Nurse: Yes Me: You ought to be ashamed. Babies need their livers
Nurse: The doctor will be with you shortly...do you want me to close the door? Me: Do you wanna watch? Nurse: *closes door*
Sat down to donate blood the other day Nurse: Just a little prick. Me: How'd you know?
Justin Biebers music saved my life I was in a coma after a bad car accident and the nurse decided to start playing some Justin bieber... I woke up and turned that shit off.
Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature? Nurse: No. Is it missing?
Nurse: It's just a little prick.. Me: That's what my gf said! N: Ha M: Haha N: HAHA M: HAHAHA! N: You don't have a gf, do you? M: No.
A nurse found a rectal thermometer... A nurse found a rectal thermometer in her top breast pocket. "Some assholes got my pen" she said.
Why does a blonde nurse carry around a red pen? To draw blood.