police officer jokes

Teenage Driver: But officer I'm a college man. Policeman: Sorry but ignorance is no excuse.

Cop joke A cop accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party. He learned to never book a judge by their cover.

What do you call a police officer's favorite metal? Copper

"Now officer, hear me out: alcohol is a depressant and cocaine is a stimulant. Therefore, mixed in equal parts, I'm basically sober!"

Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: No idea, I'm not black.

Good Cop: *reaches for his gun* Intimate Moment Cop: *reaches for the same gun and their hands touch*

Policeman: Why were you asleep at the wheel? Motorist: Your siren lulled me to sleep.

Saw a police officer dressed as a pilot today & thought it was weird. Then I realized he must be one of those "plane clothes cops."

Kayne West gets arrested Officer: "Okay, Kanye you get one phone call." **Kanye Dials Phone number** **Officer answers** Officer: Hello? Kanye: Put Kanye on the phone.

This is Bullshit. Since when is dressing for the job you want, not the job you have considered "impersonating an officer"?

I'm a show off but not drive around with Christmas lights on my car show off And that's when I realized it was a cop car

White guys can't say the N word But they can say "Won't happen again officer" and "Welcome home dad"

I may not be able to use by the "N" word... But at least I can say things like "Hey Dad", and "Thanks for the warning Officer!".

The German chancellor is traveling to greece She arrives at immigration and the immigration officer says "nationality?" The chancelor says "German" Officer: occupation? Chancelor: no not this time.

COP: So what happened? ME: He stole my watch & ran away down the road COP: Can you describe it? ME: It's like a big path that cars drive on

Did you see the video of the woman who pushed a cop? She thought he would not fall because cops are above all laws.

What's the hardest part about being a gay, black police officer? The discrimination.

I am not "aware" of any "laws" that "forbid" the use of excessive "air quotes" officer "Barnes."

Old tourist joke German tourist arrives at a French airport. Immigration officer asks him: "Occupation?" The German replies: "No, no, just visiting."

Today I made an immigration officer laugh He was borderline hysterical.

What's a traffic cop's favorite kind of sweater? A pull over.

If you were killed by a cop... ..which store would you want looted in your memory?

Police Chief: Why do you spend all your time trying to hit flies? Officer: You assigned me to the swat team didn't you?

*Crime Scene Cop: (cuffs the dog) Detective: what the hell are you doing? Cop: Sir, I think we're dealing with a shapeshifter