soldier jokes

Why couldn't the soldier feel his legs? Because his arms were blown off.

*drops off box to Salvation Army* "Sir, why is this box marked W I F E?" *peels out*

Dolphins are the most philosophical of all marine mammals... They send most of their lives searching for a porpoise

I knocked over a horny marine on the motorway the other day. I was driving on the hard soldier.

I was a baker when I was in the army. When I went to war, I went in all buns glazing.

A trooper asks a sergeant: - Is it true that man descended from a monkey? - Yes troopers possibly were. But not sergeants.

recruiter: u should join the army octopus: buddy I'm army enough as it is

I met a Muslim biker once... He was the Sergeant at harams

Mexican drug lords now have ig and keep posting selfies with stacks of money, mansions and yachts. I think the army... could really learn something from that recruitment campaign.

Currently the most offensive joke going through my head. What did the female Marine get moments after she was gang raped by her fellow Marines? A Dishonourable Discharge.

What's a Drill Sergeant's term for an erection? Penis weakness leaving the body.

Why hasn't Beetle Bailey retired from the Army yet?

A general reads War and Peace another soldier asked him how he liked it "liked the first half, hated the second. " he said

"Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight." -- The Swiss Army

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a WWI soldier? A WWI soldier has a reason for shooting himself in the foot.

There we were, two men against an army... Boy, did we beat the hell out of those two guys.

*knocks on donation door Me: I have a donation Salvation Army: Ma'am, once again... you cannot donate your man Me: You have stupid rules!

"How many volunteers do we have for my evil army?" "384 my liege" "Ok, round them up" "400 my liege"

It would suck to be named Will in the army. "Fire at Will"

What do Mexicans call a commando? A Juan man army...

I was at the airport when I saw a soldier returning home. The first thing he said was, "look mom, no hands."

A soldier gets his entire left half of him blown off by a landmine He's alright now though.

Did you hear about the Marine Rabbi that travelled the world giving circumcisions? They made a movie about him: American Snipper

Your momma's so stupid... ...she asked what army Colonel Sanders was in.