What do you call a marine animal who under-performs at the vegetable academy? A C-cucumber.
soldier jokes
389 total · showing the first 120 · page 2 of 5
In the beginning, people laughed at my penguin army. No one's laughing now. I'm receiving treatment and everyone's been really supportive.
Cabbies, stop acting like paying with a credit card is the worst thing to happen to you since you were a child soldier in your homeland.
What do you call a soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas? A seasoned veteran
What does a colonial space marine and Europe have in common? They are both xenophobic!
"You know, when I was a surgeon in the army my nickname was Nodoc." It's what my patients always told me before they went under.
Firing Squad 2 men lined against a wall ready to be shot by a fireing squad.."have you any last requests"says the soldier...Yes says the man..can we stand behind the wall...
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran
Why did the drill sergeant get a dishonorable discharge? He couldn't keep his hands off his privates
Where do military chaplains buy their regalia? At the army surplice store.
Latvian man walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, "Why so long face?" Latvian say, "I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby."
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army? I heard he was diploid. (I'll show myself out...)
A Swiss Army Knife is a lot like a pod of dolphins... Multi-porpoise!
Grammar Nazi vs. Hitler Soldier:"Sir, we are mining too many useless ores." Hitler:"So mine less!" [Grammar Nazi busts in] "MINE FEWER" [Hitler looks up] "Yes?"
Why does the army want to only recruit married men? Because they don't want a **single** man lost!
Everyone thinks.. Everyone thinks Jesus is soooo good, feeding an army with 3 loaves of bread and a fish. Hitler's not such a bad guy, he made 6 million jews toast.
Camouflage training "Soldier!" "Yes, sergeant!" "I haven't seen you at camouflage training today!" "Thank you, sergeant!"
What do Pavlov's dogs call storefront bell-ringers? The Salivation Army.
I tried donating sperm the other day, but they refused me. The requirements they have are really strict there at the salvation army
Why do a German soldier's hands never get cold? Because they've gott mit-uns
Joan Rivers is just like Soldier Field... She used to be a National Historical Landmark before all of the modifications.
There was a First Sergeant in the Army who didn't want to get a promotion.... ...Now he has a major problem.
A British soldier meets an Australian soldier on a warzone **British soldier**: Did you come here to die? **Australian soldier**: Nah mate, I came here yesterday!
Just got college letters from the marines, navy, army and coast guard. Well obviously somebody has been watching me play Call Of Duty...