waiter jokes

"WHAT DO WE WANT?" i havent decided yet "WHEN DO WE WANT IT?" i still need a few more mins with the menu you are a really terrible waiter

Customer: Waiter there's a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing.

I deliberately mispronounce 'quinoa' and then adjust the server's tip according to how condescending they are when they correct me.

ME: [rubbing stomach after a big meal] WAITER: please stop touching me

The worst part about my dad having a ponytail is, whenever we go out to eat, the server automatically hands the bill to me.

Diner: What's wrong with these eggs I ordered? Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.

Dating tip: to impress your date, put a napkin on your lap. Along with your plate. And the table. And the waiter. You're now the restaurant.

Customer: What is this fly doing in my alphabet soup? Waiter: Probably learning to read.

Waiter waiter! There's a wasp in my dessert. So that's where they go to in the winter.

Coffee With No Cream A guy walks into a coffee shop. Waitress: What can I get you? Guy: May I get a coffee with no cream? Waitress: Sorry, we just ran out of cream. How about a coffee with no milk?

Waiter there is a fly in my bean soup ! Don't worry sir I'll fish him out and exchange it for a bean !

[Burger Lounge] Server: Are you 27? Me: OMG NO I'M 39 THANK U SO MUCH U MADE MY DAY Server: I meant your order number, ma'am.

What's the best way to reward a fat waitress? Cow tipping.

"Check, please!" - Me, at a restaurant begging the waiter to make sure there are no monsters under the table

[interview for waiter position] Manager: "So how experienced are you at carrying multiple plates?" Stegosaurus: "You're kidding me right?"

Did you here what the waiter did at the restaurant? He waited

[restaurant] ME: Bottle of shiraz pls. It's my birthday WAITER: Your birthday? It's on the house ME: [looking up] Do you have a ladder or

I went to a fancy restaurant last night and a man was complaining about his escargot. The waiter just shrugged it off. "I'm sorry sir," the waiter told him. "All snails are final."

A server asked Rene Descartes if he would like another cup of coffee... He replied, "I think not!" And disappeared.

Getting asked 'you want a fork' by a hot Chinese waitress is misleading as fork to my american ears

Me: waiter, do you have frog legs? Waiter: of course monsieur Me: good, hop over there and get me a beer

Yelp is a great way to find out where garbage people will never eat again because one time a waitress forgot their honey mustard.

donald trump: ILL HAVE THE SUPER SALAD! waiter: lol no I said soup OR s- [assistant sliding $100] just bring him a huge bowl of lettuce

Nothing makes you like a fat pig more than answering the waitress with hand signals while stuff yur face. "so how is everything?"