Priest: “Do you have any last requests?”
deadpan jokes
46,599 total · showing the first 120 · page 2 of 5
Why does a mermaid wear seashells?
Because she outgrew her B-shells!
Man: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”
Doctor: “To the morgue.”
Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters?
They just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out."
"They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline."
How did the woman terrify her gynecologist? She learned ventriloquism.
Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra…
What do you call an expert fisherman? A master baiter.
What goes deep and is full of seamen? A submarine.
What do you call a budget circumcision? A rip-off.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
Strangers on a Train
Why do neckbeard dentists love Cats the musical? Because m'cavity.
I don't like nosey peppers they get Jalapeno buisness
"Make cave drawing. It last longer." - Cavewoman bitch
I hope my search for my lost heroin... isn't in vein.
Apple made a bomb It was called the iED