deadpan jokes

Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible

You know what I don't get? Laid.

Musicians with no advertising budget can simply name their band Missing Cat.

Hey Home Shopping Network: We have the internet now.

What's your best "A guy walks into a bar" joke

Organ Freeman http://i.imgur.com/plVQyUC.jpg

The Brooklyn Nets

What's Irish and stays out all year? Patty O'furniture.

What kind of dough do Hobbit bakers use? Frodough.

You're so unfamiliar with the gym... You call it James

What do vegan zombies eat? GRAAAAINS

Have any brief jokes I can snapchat a girl that I like?

Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff? Tequila

What happened to the magical tractor? It turned into a field

Any sink has a garbage disposal if you push hard enough.

Which trigonometric fatio is obsessed with the pokemon Suicune? EuSINE

What do you call a peaceful Bruce Lee? Gent Lee (Gently)

Why is it called a 'dad-bod' and not a 'father-figure'?

Onions are the Russian nesting dolls of the vegetable world.

There's a difference between racism and fact... Niggers are stinky - fact

What do you call a lad that put on his glasses? Seymour.

My current favorite people are atheists who are big into astrology.

Describe yourself in three words. I am a rebel.

What's a camel's favourite song? Bat Out of Camell