dating jokes

If your new boyfriend carved your initials into a tree on your first date, let the fact he brought a knife be a sign of things to come.

What do you call it when two bottles of lotion start dating? A re-lotion-ship.

My ex hated when I started dating her twin sister. Like it's my fault they're conjoined.

DATING TIP: add Free Wi-Fi' to your dating profile

My friend met his wife on tinder ...It was six months after their wedding

Q: What does it mean if a guy remembers the color of a woman's eyes after a first date? A: She has small tits.

If you are dating a girl that doesn't like Star Wars... You are looking for love in Alderaan places.

My IQ score says I'm intelligent. My dating history disagrees.

DATING TIP: Girls like bad boys! Brag about your Twitter gang.

What is the worst thing about dating a Japanese girl? You have to drop da bomb on her twice

Since I started dating my girlfriend a year ago I became a millionaire! 6 months ago I was a billionaire :(

My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.

I am now on three dating sites because you can never get enough rejection.

How many children do I want to have? Kind of a weird question for a first date, but umm I guess enough to finish the temple

What's the best part about dating a Patriots fan? They don't care if you cheat.

My best dating advice is to wait after you have two kids and a house before you tell her you speak elvish.

How do you know that you are dating a french horn player? Because when you kiss them they shove their fist up your butt

[first date questions] You like meat? I make killer beef jerky with leftover hobo carcasses...and she's gone Whatever she's probably vegan

Did you hear Oxygen and Magnesium are dating now? OMg !!!

I thought I caught a snorlax on pokemon go turns out i was on tinder

Nick Cave is not on Tinder because he's the Grindr man.

People dating on the internet have it so easy. Back in my day, a man would walk uphill both ways in the snow to disappoint a woman.

You say, "I think we should see other people" like I haven't been doing so ever since we started dating.

For our first date, we'll dump a Crayola 64 box onto the floor, and put them back from worst to favorite.