dating jokes

(NSFW) A friend of mine started dating a girl with special needs. Everyone is saying how sweet it is but I think he's fucking retarded.

Marriage. When dating goes too far.

I got approached on a dating website by a midget I asked her what she felt her best attribute was. She responded "I'm really down to earth."

What do you call an Indian dating service? Connect the dots.

What did Mr. Freeze do with his wife on their first date? Netflix and chill.

Did you hear about the pyromaniac who was on the dating website? He was looking for the perfect match.

[on a first date] Me: So do you like puppies? Her: Oh I love them Me: Ok, so we'll both have the puppies Waiter: Excellent choice, sir

My Sister recently started dating a depressed German airline pilot She says his personality is really down to earth.

The corner of this table hurt me and made me cry, so now we're dating

Smooth Farmer Whats a farmers best dating advice? A tractor

I was on a first date. "How many women have you slept with?" she asked. I said, "Do you want me to round it to the nearest ten?" "Oh, I say. Go on then." she laughed. I said, "0."

Online dating is like a bakery You've got the flakes, the fruitcakes, and the tarts.

tinder, huh? back in my day if you wanted a girl to notice you, you had to dress like a gargoyle and cling to the roof of her parents' home

On our first date, i'll carve our initials onto a tree. Because it's the most romantic way to let you know that I have a knife

Dating tip: Girls like guys who takes control. Pick up a horse and ask "Where should I put this horse?" When she tells you, say no

People say the hardest part of the first date is the first kiss. No idea what they mean, the hardest part of my first date was getting her to take the sleeping pills.

[First Date] Me: I can't believe we're on a date! It's not cause my fathers rich is it? Him: No. He's very handsome too Me: CHECK PLEASE

I was dating an analog synthesizer But I had to break it off. She was just continuously variable.

What do you call 2 lambs dating? A relationSHEEP.

Did you hear about the lonely cow that joined a dating website? She was searching for her udder half.

Did you hear about the new farmers dating site? It's full of hoes.

One time a guy left a full glass of sangria behind on a first date and I pretended I forgot my sunglasses so I could run back and chug it.

*First Date* Her: Hobbies? *thinks about the 50,000 piece Lego Death Star I'm building* Me: Architecture and Astronomy. Her: Impressive.

Canadian Tinder users are 56% male, 44% female and 33% holding a fresh trout