australian jokes

The worst thing about being bjtten by a spider is that you're probably australian

How could I forget, mate? At an Australian parliament meeting, two guys were shouting back and forth and one said: "I am a country member!" and the other said: "Oh, I remember!"

What did one cracker say to the other? "Let's conquer the Americas, Africa, Australia, and Asia."

My friends joke he made up!! Why can you ask a NewZealander how many sexual partners they have had? Because he would fall asleep counting all the sheep. (Btw we are Australian sooo)

What do you call a bunch of flies in a beer can? An Outback Vibrator

What do you call a ghost in the Outback? An Apparigine!

I tried to give myself a sex change But I just couldn't pull it off. Credit to Rohan Ganju a young upcoming Australian comedian.

What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns? Birds of Pray

What have you got if your pet kangaroo gets into molasses and Indian curry? An Indian goo roo

What is Australian cuisine called? Prison Food Source: 8 out of 10 Cats does Countdown

Words to live by What doesn't kill you, isn't in Australia

What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog ? Dingo Starr !

An Australian man wakes up in the hospital... ... he says, "Doctor, was I brought here to die?" The doctor replies, "No, you were brought here yester-die"

whats the secret service of Australia called? M8

Kangaroo can jump higher than a house Mostly because houses can't jump

Wait, Australia is 14 hours ahead of America? Thanks for the 9/11 warning!

What did Tony Abbott do when he heard Denmark had surplus wind power ? Cut funding for wind power in Australia

What did Tony Abbott (Prime minister of Australia) do with the half-eaten banana? He re-peeled it.

Cricket Australia. Sponsored by Immodium. Stopping you from getting the runs.

What to Australian Trains use as fuel? Coal-Ala

A man is applying for Australian citizenship when the clerk asks "Do you have a criminal record?" "No" the man says. "Is that still required?"

What's the difference between an Aussie and a Yoghurt? A Yoghurt's got culture!

In Australia, nah-yeah means yes, yeah-nah means no and nah-nah means banana.

The shortest distance between two points is over a cyclist. ~Australian drivers, apparently.