Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child: "No son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible but I like your thinking".
accountant jokes
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I was curious what happens after you die, so I asked an accountant. The accountant responded, "form 706".
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Did you hear about the Georgia accountant who absconded with all the accounts payable?
Did you hear the one about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget.
"Bob's here" Bob the surgeon or Bob who just pretends he's a surgeon? "We only know one Bob and he's an accountant" *arm falls off*
[first date] Me: so what do you do Date: i'm an accountant Me: oh nice Date: thanks Me: Date: Me: so how many ants have u counted so far
How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
a Rabbi, an accountant, a banker, and a doctor walk into a bar mitzvah
The accountant's prayer: Lord help me be more relaxed about insignificant details starting tomorrow at 10.53:16 am Eastern Daylight Saving Time.
Why is Adam known as the first accountant? He turned a leaf and made an entry.
What did the British gentlepimp say to his accountant bitch? Tally ho!
With God all things are possible; but with money all things are probable. And with a good accountant, they're all deductible.
What's an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humour.
Instead of an accountant, hire a philosopher to do your taxes. It's the thought that counts.
What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.
What does an accountant call a friend's birthday party? (x-post from /r/tax) A present liability!
What did the accountant with constipation do? He worked is out with a pencil.
"When I think of you, there are some capital gains in my pants." - sexy accountant pickup lines
What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone? Popular
Top Five Accountant Taboos: 5. Unreconciled difference 4. Doesn't foot & crossfoot 3. No journal entry support 2. Cooking the books 1. Sex
"Let me get them digits." - creepy accountant
What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost
What does an accountant use for birth control? His personality.