DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
actor jokes
180 total · showing the first 120 · page 1 of 5
20 yrs from now they'll make a movie on how Leonardo DeCaprio never won an Oscar. Plot twist the actor playing him wins an Oscar.
People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be an actor" Now I'm the only one laughing
An actor was fired from a movie for being a cocaine addict. He kept blowing his lines.
The actor who plays Wolverine once owned a sea cow, but it was murdered... ...it was a crime against Hugh's manatee.
Why did the overweight actor fall through the theater floor? It was just a stage he was going through
I could never be an actress because I don't want kids and would never be able to say "but my favorite role is being a mom" at award shows.
About an actress. Did you hear about that actress who killed her husband? Reese something... Witherspoon? No Witherknife.
Did you hear about the actress that got stabbed last night? Reese... Reese something...
Her: Which actress would you like to get stuck in an elevator with? Me: One who knows how to fix elevators.
What do you call a woman that is beautiful and smart? An actress.
Did you hear about the amateur porn actor with the invisible dick? He came out of nowhere.
Which actor is always criticising churchgoers? Christian Slater.
If Sean Lock was a Hollywood actor... ... He'd be Robert Frowny Jr. - Jimmy Carr
Star Wars should cast an Indian actor to play Mace Hindu.
What if... ... in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar...and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
Johnny Depp is the best actor ever. You can't even tell he has scissor hands in Pirates of the Caribbean.
Which actor is best suited for a programmer role? Dev Patel.
Why can't anyone stay angry long with an actress? Because she always makes up.
Why do they say "character actress"? Is that to differentiate them from the all those actresses that only play walls and bits of furniture?
"Hi I can't remember the name of this actress.You know her, she's in that movie you saw. She's got that hair." -actual message from my mom
[NSFW] Who did the gay porn actor thank when he got an award? His penis for all the shit I went through and all his ass for all the dicks it dealt with.
What does a doctor prescribe a hardcore porn actress, when her vagina is too swollen to work? Antifistamines.
What is a male porn actor's favorite one hit wonder song? Come on Eileen.