Knock-Knock... -Who's there? -Doctor. -Doctor Who? -No, bitch. Doctor House.
doctor jokes
2,252 total · showing the first 120 · page 3 of 5
Saw this on a wall while on some down time in the restroom, made me laugh ...Silly This is my first time posting, but this made me laugh ... Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop? ... .. Answer: Dr.Dre
I drank too much over the holidays. I was at the doctor's yesterday and gave a urine sample. It had an olive in it.
I wonder What happens when doctor's wife eats an apple a day?
Patient: "How much longer do I have doc? Doctor: "Ten." Patient: "Ten what?" Doctor: "Nine..."
The doctor gave me 4 months to live. So I shot him. The judge gave me 20 years. Problem solved.
Young lady to father "Daddy when I grow up shall I become a heart-doctor or a tooth-doctor " "Dentist" "Why father ?" "We have only one heart but 32 teeth!"
[Doctor office] -How are you feeling? -Not good. -Any side effects from the medication? *cries tears of fire* -Now that you mention it...
I had an appointment to get my gender reassignment surgery... ...but the doctor left me hangin'
What did the doctor say to the rude patient who was reluctant to get stitches from him? "Fine, suture yourself."
What's the difference between Joan Crawford and an abortion doctor ? When Joan used a coat-hanger on Cheryl, she was already out of the womb.
Before taking viagra, ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for sex. Riiight.
The Size of my Penis is Very Private It's information that should be kept between me, my doctor, and his wife.
Why did Hugh Glass go to the doctor? Because he felt grizzly after months of unbearable pain.
Doctor: I have some bad news. You HAVE to stop masturbating. Man: OMG Doc, WHY? Doctor: I'm trying to examine you.
When my wife was giving birth to our child, I asked the doctor... - When can we have sex? He winked at me and replied - My shift ends in 10 minutes, let's meet outside.
I want to make a joke about my eye doctor. But it sounded very cornea.
Pen A doctor reaches into his smock to get a pen to write a prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer. "Oh, damn it," he proclaims, "Some asshole has my pen!"
Doctor: You're obese. Patient: ***Doctor: You're obese. Patient: Whoa, for that I definitely want a second opinion. Doctor: You're quite ugly, too.***
I was talking to my Jewish doctor friend... And I asked him how much he charges for a curcumcision. He said that he does it for free, but he gets to keep the tip.
A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Italian from New York were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them...
A teenager goes in for his regular physical Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Teen: No Doctor: Do you smoke or do drugs? Teen: No. I'm also not sexually active. Doctor: Well no shit
DOCTOR: Here's some medicine, for your well-being. GUY WHO HAS SOMEONE CAPTIVE IN HIS WELL: *thinking* How does he know about the Well Being
DON'T QUESTION YOUR DOCTOR A man went to see his doctor. "You need to stop masturbating," the doctor told him. The man asked, "Why?" The doctor replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"