journalist jokes

Did you hear about the journalist who stumbled upon a campsite murder? She reported it was bloody in-tents!

My editor told me I need to be more pithy, so I booked an appointment with a urologist.

What do you call a journalist in Russia? An ambulance.

Guy discovers Terrorist Hideout.. Reporter: So how did you catch 'em? Guy: Umm.. I just found this Charizard then...

So my girlfriend told me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter. Well, I've got some news for her.

A reporter asks Chess genius, Gary Kasparov:"What do you prefer -- chess or sex? Gary replied, "... depends on the position."

An art museum robber is caught when he tries to get away.... A reporter asks him what went wrong with the robbery. He answers " I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

What do you call a nutritionist who sidelines as an automotive journalist? A carb-o-rater

ME: *sighs* yep, story of my life EDITOR: please stop saying that every time you hand me a draft of your autobiography

KING ARTHUR: ...and that is our noble quest. REPORTER: K, great. What shape is your table? A: Um, round? But that's not really... R: Got it

Reporter: are you nervous about the fight? Me nervously: no Reporter: he said he's going to 'rip your heart out' Me crying: but I need it

[PRESS CONFERENCE] Me: I'm going on the record. Yes, I'd go back in time to kill a baby Reporter: you mean Baby Hitler? Me: sure, whoever

Optimism and Pessimism Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glad is half empty. Journalist: The glass is a victim of discrimination by White Christian Conservatives.

JUDGE: I hereby sentence you t- PENGUIN COURT REPORTER: *angrily smashing keyboard with flippers* CAN YOU GUYS SLOW DOWN A BIT

REPORTER: you say you spotted the missing hikers somewhere in these woods CLEARLY A BEAR IN A FLANNEL & AVIATORS: [right on mic] briefly yes

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied "No peer pressure."

Reporter: Tell me about him Neighbor: He was so nice, sweet, friendly, funny R: Do you think he killed those people? N: Oh, yeah absolutely.

Bucks vs. Falcons REPORTER: Lovie, can you say something about your team's execution tonight? LOVIE SMITH: I think it would be a good idea!

Be safe this weekend, otherwise your dumb friends will end up telling some local news reporter how you were always the "life of the party."

THAT SMILE A reporter asks Bill Clinton,. 'What did you find most attractive concerning Monica Lewinsky?" He replied, 'She had the prettiest smile I ever came across."

PR manager, philosopher, translator and a journalist walk into a bar The Bartender says: "Hey Tony! Four bachelor's degrees, but still no luck finding a job?"

What did the erotic novel author get from his editor? Sticky notes. What did he get from his publisher? A hard copy.

Not saying Lois Lane is a shitty reporter but my friend showed up without his glasses on today and I recognized him after like 20 minutes.

Reporter: My editor sent me to do the burglary. Policeman: You're too late - it's already been done.