journalist jokes

Whats the worst part about being a news reporter? The shootings

*school reunion* Guy: Reporter is cool I spose. I became a doctor so I could actually help people ya know Clark Kent: *fist clenched* mmm hm

The "letters to the editor" page of your local newspaper is like Twitter for the elderly.

A News Reporter just described someone as "Healthy as a Bus". Yeah....I don't know either.

Putin: I have returned Russia to its glory days, once again we have launched a dog into space Reporter: when will it return Putin: WHat

what is a female journalist returning from India famous for ? Banged up abroad!

Gary Johnson in an Interview.. Reporter: Knock Knock! Gary Johnson: Who's there? Reporter: What is Alep Gary Johnson: What is Alepwho? Reporter: a-are you serious?

What happened when the reporter fell into the water? She became an anchor...

Reporting on your own superheroic activity while in your secret identity as a reporter is an ethics violation, MR. KENT.

A reporter told the police that someone hacked his computer and removed the first line of every story. There are no ledes.

Press reporter asks NASA director 'what did the kepler telescope find out today' ? Water on Mars.

Reporter: To what do you attribute your old age? Old Man: To the fact that I was born in 1890.

Great idea Journalist: What do you think of western civilization? Gandhi: I think it would be a great idea!

What vocation can transform anything into a gate? A reporter.

What do you get if you cross a sports reporter with a vegetable ? A common tater !

[NASA press conf] "good news: we found a cat on Mars" REPORTER: & the bad news? "[recalls Curiosity rover running it over] uh it's sleeping"

Reporter: Russell Wilson, do you want another Superbowl ring? Wilson: Nah I'll pass.

If I was the editor of a magazine, I would put gametes on the cover Because sex cells.

1 Buy a racehorse 2 Hire a TMZ reporter as the jockey 3 Tell him a minor celebrities is drunk at the finish line 4 Win literally every race

[creates anti aging pill] Reporter: wow imagine all the human applications this can have *I scribble out 'give to puppies'* Yeah absolutely

An astronaut in space was asked by a reporter "How do you feel?" "How would you feel" the astronout replied "if you were stuck here on top of 20000 parts each one supplied by the lowest bidder?"

Reporter: Doctor, what motivates you to care for coma patients? Me: Well, I'm just here *puts cap on Sharpie* to put smiles on their faces

What's a reporter's favorite food? Ice cream because they always want a scoop!

I don't think I'm well-suited for this job as a newspaper editor. Even my blood is a Type O!