mechanic jokes

How can you tell a mechanic recently had sex? He has 1 clean finger. src: heard on radio yesterday

When the mechanic said I 'blew a seal', I was afraid he knew about that summer I worked at Sea World but it turns out it's some car thing.

Did you hear about the Mechanic who slept under the car? He wanted to wake up oily in the morning.

The mechanic has informed me that the shrieking sound I hear in my car on my way to work is apparently me.

I've never once been able to explain my car trouble to a mechanic without resorting to sound effects.

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise... Turns out it was just a Pitbull song on the radio.

Did you hear about the unfashionable mechanic? He needed to change attire. (I'm probably too proud of myself for making this one; someone's almost definitely done it before.)

So I took my car into the mechanic and he said I blew a seal. I said, "well yeah, but how did you know? And what does that have to do with my car?"

Mechanic: what seems to be the problem? Me: nice try buddy, that's what I'm paying you for

How can you tell when an auto mechanic jus had sext One of his fingers is clean!!

What do you call a man with his hand up a horses ass? An Amish mechanic. A favorite from Robin Williams

Well, the mechanic called. Apparently, in addition to a muffler, my car also needs a new car.

A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid."

Me: Get the tires rotated?? Don't they rotate enough while the car is moving? Mechanic: Omg you're right! What a scam. I truly apologize.

A fighter plane mechanic goes to the doctor for his impotence. The doctor examines him and then writes a brief diagnosis. "Could not reproduce"

How do you know when a mechanic has a girlfriend? He has one clean finger.

Did you hear about the girl who gave out handjobs to electricians, plumbers, mechanic, you name it? She was a right Jack off all trades.

Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I'd turn the radio down.

Dog Mechanic: The repair is gonna take longer than expected. "Why's that?" Dog Mechanic: The clutch is worn out, also because I am a dog.

My school principal is also a mechanic When I asked him about my shaky car, he said it was grounds for suspension.

What do you call a man with his arm up a horses butt? An Amish mechanic.

What time does a mechanic wake up? Oily!

How can you tell a mechanic has gotten lucky? He's got one clean finger!

Why did the mechanic go to art school? Because he wanted to learn how to make a van go!