mechanic jokes

I was going to grease my mechanic's hand with a $20 bill for the phenomenal job he did but ... he already overcharged me by $200.

What did the pilot say to the Vietnamese mechanic underneath the plane? " "You are the Nguyen beneath my wings"

I never knew my mechanic was a psychic until he loudly announced that I had blown a tranny in my car.

Pretty nervous about the guy who dropped out of mechanic school the second they showed us how to cut a brake line.

What's the difference between a bad mechanic and a politician? With the mechanic, there's a shot something might get fixed...

A photographer and a mechanic have a child After two long days of searching for the perfect name, they name him Cam.

Anyone hear of the rapist mechanic? They say he screws, nuts, and bolts.

How can you tell if a mechanic went home for lunch? One of his fingers is clean

Give me a screwdriver Normal thing for a mechanic to say to his lackey. Start of a sexual harrassment case for Britney Spears.

Did you hear about the mechanic who was addicted to brake fluid? He said he could stop at anytime.

Why did Walt Disney visit a mechanic? He wanted to get his Car tuned

What do you call a Amish man with his arm up a horses arse A mechanic

The pirate mechanic repaired my sex-bot. Thar, she blows.

Mechanic: the front shocks are shot. Did you hit a pothole? Me: yes but I winced, patted the dash & said I was sorry so it can't be that.

How can you tell a mechanic got laid? He has one clean finger

Mechanic said I blew a seal... Technically, it was a sea lion, but more importantly, how did he even know?

Did you hear about the mechanic who dreamed of being a plumber? It was all a pipe dream.

I'm moving up in my job as a bike mechanic I've been promoted to spokesperson

Hospital When checking a patient in for surgery, he said he was a mechanic. I said, "Good, the surgeon likes that because you understand when there are parts left over."

How can you tell an auto mechanic just had sex? One of his fingers is clean

What kind of a belly button does a German car mechanic have? An Audi

I went to a Mechanic when my car started making these awful noises but it just turned out to be Nickelback playing on the radio.

So my car broke down My mechanic said it was obvious I'd blown a seal. I said keep my private life out of it and just fix the damn car!

Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other stuff wrong with my car I'd turn the radio down.