If Leonardo DiCaprio played a police officer in a movie, what would his name be? Leonardo DiCoprio
police officer jokes
1,273 total · showing the first 120 · page 5 of 5
COP: Know why I stopped you? MAN IN A RESTAURANT EATING FRIED CHICKEN: Huh? COP: You're using a knife and fork. Step away from the chicken
The first thing I always do when a cop pulls me over is remind him he can't arrest me without a warrant so he knows he's dealing with a pro.
Why did the cannibal refuse to eat the police officer? It was a jewish cannibal.
Just passed a cop on a bicycle, I hope I used my turn signal properly or I might get a detention or whatever they hand out
Every motorcycle cop is a liquid terminator until proven otherwise.
[baby takes its first steps] me in a cop outfit: not even close to a straight line buddy, you're going away for a long long time.
I'm following around cop cars all day to let them know how it feels.
A police officer sees a kid on the street.. He says, "Its getting late kid, shouldn't you be getting back to the orphanage?" Kid says, "I guess so, what gave me away?" "Your parents did."
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Honestly I'm so shit faced I have no idea.
"sir do u know why i pulled u over" *shrugs* "License- *hands cop box of crayons* "sir plea- *hands cop coloring book* *cop starts coloring*
Cop: you failed to obey the stop sign Me: I got lost in the music C: what song? M: I'd rather not say C: what song?!? M: I saw the sign
*cop bursts into bathroom* "KID DON'T FLUSH THOSE DRUGS!" *toilet is wearing shades* "damn. we're too late" *toilet rides off on motorcycle*
I always wear running shoes while driving because you won't know what the terrain will be like until after the cop pulls you over.
Policeman: Why are you driving that car in circles? Driver: I was just going for a little spin.
Once, I got pulled over because a cop thought my car was on fire but really it was just my hair flying out the sunroof.
Good cop: Just relax Moody cop: OMG, you again? I hate you, but I kinda misssed you, why don't you call anymore? You're going to jail
I have a bumper sticker that says COP KISSER explicitly to make it awkward when a police officer asks if I know why they pulled me over.
Cop: Know why I stopped u? Scientist: No Cop: How much science u do tonite? Scientist: Just one-[test tube falls from coat] Cop: Get out
Officer, I swear there is a simple explanation.. ~me standing in the street with no pants, one sock and a turkey baster in my hand
Don't worry about my probation officer, he just likes to watch.
Cop: [knocks] Dinosaur: can I help you? Cop: we've had reports of small arms fire [Flaming T-Rex runs past screaming]
A driver gets pulled over for improper use of a carpool lane.. Cop: "Carpool lane is 2 or more passengers and I don't see your second passenger." Driver: "well I'm just beside myself."
Cop: Where were you at the time of the murder? Me: I'd trapped myself in a Tupperware container Cop: Damn, that's an air tight alibi