waiter jokes

Waiter: how were your steak and eggs Me: just okay Waiter: oh no Me: you could say they were Waiter: please no Me: *sips mimosa* meaty yoker

Restaurant At restaurant, We wait for a waiter to bring order... Aren,t we waiter too...

4 Jewish women go out for dinner When the waiter checks on them during their meal he asks "is anything okay?"

Waitress: "Enjoy your meal" Patron: "you too" Patron: 'why did I say that?' Waitress: [being force-fed the 6th plate of food of her shift]

"So tell me what you want, what you really, really want" - a hilarious waiter taking a Spice Girl's order

Waiter there is a mosquito in my soup ! Don't worry sir they don't eat much !

the waiter snuck up on me when i was eating my steak and now i'm all embarrassed 'cause i'm not sure how much to tip someone i just stabbed.

Customer: Waiter I found a hair in my turtle soup. Waiter: How about that! The turtle and the hare finally got together.

Waiter there's a dead fly in my soup! Yes sir it's the hot water that kills them.

Two blonde girls are celebrating at a table... The waiter comes by and asks "What are you celebrating?" They say "We finished this puzzle in only 6 months! And the box says from 2 to 4 years!"

[on a first date] Me: So do you like puppies? Her: Oh I love them Me: Ok, so we'll both have the puppies Waiter: Excellent choice, sir

Waiter: What can I get for you? Me: Steak, please. W: How would you like that cooked? M: By anyone other than my wife

"Good evening, I will be your waiter for tonight. What would you like to Instagram?" - how waiters should greet people

I wanted to date a girl once... but as a server admin I couldn't come out of my shell.

Me to waitress: Do you validate? Waitress: Parking, you mean? Me: No. Like, can I read you some tweets and you tell me if you like them?

Waiter I can't eat this meat it's crawling with maggots ! Quick run to the other end of the table and grab it as it goes by !

*experiences all five stages of grief while the waiter walks by my table with what I thought was my dinner*

[Cannibal Restaurant] Waiter: Need anything else? Cannibal: No, I'm stuffed. I can't even finish this. Could I get a body bag?

Wife: I'll just have a salad. Waiter: and for you, sir? Me: I'll be giving her half of my food.

An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor. He ordered a banana split. The waitress asked, Crushed nuts? No, he said. Arthritis.

If the waitress doesn't have a visible tattoo the restaurant is usually too expensive for me.

I told my waiter, "There's a fly in my soup!" He said, "It's possible, the cook used to be a tailor."

I met a one-legged waitress at IHOP... Her name was Ilene.

I was told that tipping your server is normal in America But apparently this will get you fired as a systems administrator.