Fruits Joke Apple: I look like a Human Heart --- Mango: I look like a Stomach --- Grapes: I look like Eyes --- Banana: I Hate This Game
cynical jokes
9,592 total · showing the first 120 · page 4 of 5
Don't you hate it when someone answers their own question? I do.
Why do people hate babushka dolls? Because they are so full of themselves....
Maybe Hitler did nothing wrong... Maybe he was reich.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Nothing. She just gagged a little.
Every earthquake is a reminder that you drunk-ate the good granola bars out of the earthquake kit eight years ago and never restocked them.
Me: It's not often that a single guy like me gets a home cooked meal. Her: Why don't you get married? Me: I've never been that hungry.
What did the vampire say to the werewolf after discovering its blood is inedible? "Fangs for nothing!"
My phone never asks me to put my husband down.
The worst analogy ever is like pudding.
What did the chicken say to the duck who was about to cross the road? "Don't do it, man, you'll never hear the end of it!"
Did you hear about the detective who failed geometry? He could never get an angle.
What's the worst part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
Fun Fact: A burrito will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
Wind chimes. Something I've never purchased. Can't see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what'd be nice? Noise.
One thing my dogs and I have in common is that we never want me to go to work.
If you've never gotten out of the shower and dried off with paper towels, you probably do your laundry more often than I do.
If a stack is first in last out and a queue is first in first out, what is a circular queue? First in never out.
Why did Hitler hate juice? Cause it was too hasidic. ^^^I'll ^^^be ^^^here ^^^all ^^^week
You know how dogs think, when you leave, that you're never coming back? That's how I feel when I leave the house for work every morning.
A redditor discovers that the world will end in 23 hours... The news never even got to report on it.
Turtle 911: Whats ur emergency? Turtle: MY GIRLFRIEND JUST DISAPPEARED! 911: Have u tried looking in her house? Turtle: oops never mind.
Me: "What's wrong?" Wife: "Nothing's wrong." [Sighs heavily. Rolls eyes. Clenches jaw. Bursts into flame.] Me: "I think something's wrong."
Date someone who spoils you, always says how beautiful you are, and never thinks you've had enough to eat. Date your grandma