There are only 3 lawyer jokes. The rest are all true.
lawyer jokes
472 total · showing the first 120 · page 2 of 5
What's the difference between a dead cat and a dead lawyer on the road? The dead cat has skid marks around it.
A boy and his mother passed a cemetery. The boy saw a gravestone read 'Here lies an honest lawyer'. He said to his mother "I thought Gandhi was cremated."
A Rabbi, a lawyer, and a Priest are on a sinking ship. The Rabbi says, "Save the children!" The lawyer says "Fuck the children!" ... The Priest says, "Do we have time?"
Trust me, I'm a liar. Lawyer, I meant lawyer.
If I was Penguin's attorney I'd request bail by saying "He's no flight risk!" Then Hi-5 the whole courtroom but Batman. I'd leave him hangin
It's so humid today I keep expecting a southern lawyer to do his closing argument.
You hear Steve Sarkisian actually wanted to be a lawyer? He couldn't pass the bar
I have a problem with taking things literally. My attorney advises me that it's called 'theft'.
What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer? The rooster's primal urge is to cluck defiance.
my lawyer wants me to turn myself into the police but I keep telling him impersonating a cop is what got me into trouble in the first place
What's a lawyer's favourite pastry? Suet
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.
Your wife and your lawyer are drowning. You have a choice to make: Lunch or the movies?
Your wife and your lawyer are drowning, you have a decision to make.... Fish or chicken for dinner?
It was so cold last night I saw a lawyer with his hands in his *own* pockets.
A Burglar got into the house of a Lawyer the other day... After a terrible struggle, the Lawyer succeeded in robbing him.
I am a man with convictions. Mostly because I have a really terrible lawyer.
Stop saying: "That's what she said" and say "... said the priest to his lawyer" instead
What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.
Me: Why doesn't he love me? Nachos: Eat more of me and find out! Me: *Chewing* So? Nachos: We need outside counsel. Send pizza down here.
Judge: and how does the defendant plead Lawyer: like this your honor *makes whiny voice *nooo I didn't do any crimes* Judge: HAH do it again
I know Aladdin can't wish for more wishes, but why can't he just wish for more genies?--My 5 year old and future lawyer, probably.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket full of shit? The bucket.