What has two butts and kills people? An assassin
short jokes
140,386 total · showing the first 120 · page 2 of 5
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? AYE MATEY
CASHIER: "Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?" DAD: "No, just leave it in the carton!’”
What's the best part about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.
What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.
5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
Why couldn't the bike standup by itself? It was two tired.
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
I'd like to have kids one day. I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
What is the worst combination of illnesses?
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
"My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?"
Wife: “I want another baby.”
Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one.”
Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
"Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera."
When it leaves you and never comes back.